Autumn
by gunn-metal
Summary: Autumn reminds Haru of something he's been trying to 'remember' for a long time, and the oushi searches for a way to explain his childhood betrayal to Kyou. update: chap.6 up
1. Prologue: Back to the Beginning

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Fruits Basket or anything pertaining to the manga or anime. The characters, places, etc... are not mine, nor do I lay any claim on them. This is not an attempt to infringe on any rights or copyrights, as this is purely for entertainment.  
  
Authors Note: I am a very unaccomplished author, and mistakes are apparent in my work, even from the beginning. I apologize for my poor attempt at this fan-fiction and I hope this does not offend anyone in any way. Please excuse my inability to remain 'in character' and follow a guided plot. I often find myself drifting, and making little sense. That same lack of sense however causes me refrain from backtracking and fixing the problems.

--This work of fiction was inspired by both the anime, and what infinitesimal bits I know of the manga. In our minds, we always attempt to make up for anything we might perceive as 'wrong' or 'unfair', and unconsciously create a solution, arming ourselves with the alternate. We don't always seek a 'happy ending', but we often seek justification. This, I suppose, is my attempt at justification, on some level. Also, I am horrible with titles, and so I name them from theme. : )

Title: 'Autumn'

Author: Evie Gunn

Rating: R [rated for language and adult/sexual situations]

Series: Fruits Basket

Pairings: Haru x Kyou

Genre: ?

Archive: If you like... just tell me where. I'm inclined to be a pessimist, so I doubt anyone would want to, but hey...

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**Autumn**

Prologue: Back to the Beginning

Ten years, and a thousand miles of aimless drifting only brought me back to the beginning.

Ashes, ashes, and they all fall down, the crumbling remnants of a bridge I burned a long time ago. My mind sang like a child, spinning tunes around until they became a chant, humming through my head like a simple rhyme that was determined to drown out any shred of sanity or control that I had over my own mind and body. Churning blackness, like the weeping warmth of a charred and blackened house that had once been a peaceful home. Seething, raging, hissing; my ears were filled with the spiteful accusations that were laced through every aspect of my life, and like a weak and sickly child, I'm turned over and put to rest while another half of my soul wakes to lash out.

Black. That's what they call it, a label, a name for a dark demon half that they blame me for. In their hands, they molded me; but they won't see that. People always blame someone else.

I'm reminded of a fiery seven year-old; his red eyes glaring out like ruby lanterns from a lonely corner of his own darkness. Even at six years old, I knew they made him too. One word, one glance, and his ever-present embers would roar into a fire, energy and emotion crackling like electricity. It was different from my own malady. Where my demon rose and took dominion, like an usurper to a throne, and refused to relinquish its hold by anything but force, his was like the rage of a warrior. His could be calmed, a sword re-sheathed. His was armor, while mine was a weapon. He fought battles, I fought a war.

Similar. A word, like a curse, labeled both of us. They called us monsters. Hours and hours of my existence, tracing the shape of my life, his life, trying to reshape either of us into something other than what they believed we were. I feared they were right, about me, about him... In the end, I realized they _were_ right, but it didn't matter; _they_ didn't matter. Similar. Monsters... We were both human, undeniably human; with our feelings, our suffering, our joys and waning hopes and dreams. We were both Sohma's, cursed with a second half that forced us to keep our distance from those who would push us away if they could feel that secret crawling beneath the surface. We were both monsters. His own singular hell, one that ripped through him and reshaped his body into something hideous. My own singular hell, one that twisted my mind, churning my soul and reshaping it into something equally hideous. His change, his monster, was outside, mine was inside. Similar. Monsters.

I suppose that's why it was so easy to abandon him at the time. We all desperately search for the most obviously beautiful thing to contrast our ugliness. We desire those things we believe would balance us, or overshadow that which we wish to hide. Even so young, I craved, hungered for that superficial solace. So I abandoned him to the chance to follow something beautiful in the hope that my ugliness would be ignored. You never see shadows in light so bright.

His fire only blazed, it only served to burn him more, and the ash choked him like a blanket of heat, and his hate raged deeper. I was too young to understand such betrayal, too young to remember that only a moment before I wore similar betrayal like a crown for my demon. My mind quietly tucked away all of the pain and forgot. He remembered.

Ten years, and a thousand miles of aimless drifting only brought me back to the beginning. And I remembered.

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A/N: Separated Prologue and chapter one. Three people e-mailed me saying 'it would be better' if I separated them like chapters. Sorry for any confusion this causes.


	2. Chapter 1: Wandering Backward

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Fruits Basket or anything pertaining to the manga or anime. The characters, places, etc... are not mine, nor do I lay any claim on them. This is not an attempt to infringe on any rights or copyrights, as this is purely for entertainment.  
  
Authors Note: The first chapter of the story. I am sorry for any mistakes. If you see one, pleas let me know. I like to be able to fix them. I can re-read my own work a hundred times, and still miss something that would otherwise be glaringly obvious, because I concentrate too much on the incongruent plot and weak subject matter. Help me? :)

Title: 'Autumn'

Author: Evie Gunn

Rating: R rated for language and adult/sexual situations

Series: Fruits Basket

Pairings: Haru x Kyou

Genre: ?

Archive: If you like... just tell me where. I'm inclined to be a pessimist, so I doubt anyone would want to, but hey...

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**Autumn**

Chapter 1: Wandering Backward

I was lost. Cynically, I thought how typical it was for me to lose my way. It was easy to drift, wander into the forest of my thoughts so completely, that when I did find my way through the tangle of memories and contemplation, I was unsure where exactly my feet had led me. I swallowed the irrational anger that hung thick in my throat and sighed. Late evening had progressed into early night, and I could not recognize a single tree or stone along the path. Giving up, I sank to the ground and leaned my back against an unfamiliar stump.

I mused on autumn, the season of red and gold, silently thanking the heavens for the mild weather. Leaves drifted down toward the hardening ground and I shifted my position, reaching out my hand to drag a handful of the dying brush closer. Each held a completely different shade, a unique flush of red or gold suffusing the veined leaf. Oddly, it reminded me of my childhood. When I was young, I'd fallen in love with leaves for an entire season. I collected them, choosing from each pile or scattering as if I could only take one. The most unique, the most colorful, most perfect... the oddest shaped leaf. I'd carry them home and pin them to my ceiling, and then I'd lie in bed, staring at the canopy of leaves that hung above me. Eventually, they began to crumble, drifting down in pieces to cover everything. I didn't mind. By autumn's end, my ceiling was again as white as the winter sky.

The wind picked up, scattering the leaves, and the rustling of the dry, dead flora filled the air with its quiet rush. It was in the midst of the rustle that I heard another noise, the soft footsteps of someone following the path. I couldn't find it in myself to care whom it was, and though I was lost, I had already decided not to ask directions. I was content to remain so, surrounded by soft dark and the rustle of leaves. I closed my eyes and began to drift once again, back to childhood.

"Idiot." A voice ripped through the quiet, and though the voice was soft and the tone low, it shattered the peaceful air of my moment. I slipped one eye open, glancing in the general direction of the voice. I could barely make out the features of the other person in the dark, but I knew who it was. I allowed my eyes to close once again and returned to my drifting.

He stood there for a long time, probably attempting to burn a hole through my skull with his glare, but I didn't let it shatter my peace. When he finally did speak again, I could hear the anger he barely attempted to bite back.

"Get up." Kyou's demanding voice did not faze me, and I continued to relax against my stump. I would not be bated into a fight, despite the fact that he seemed to be itching for one. "Don't ignore me." His voice was nearly a hiss. I smiled at him through the dark and wondered idly what had sparked his anger.

"I'm happy where I am." I told him quietly. I could feel him bristling as if he were fused with electricity, tiny bolts zipping from him in every direction.

"I don't care. Get up, you stupid cow." His voice grew louder and he began moving close to me. I waited patiently for the feel of his fist tangling in my hair, for the pain of being yanked from comfort to stand before him. I waited for the fight.

His sigh was so quiet I almost didn't catch it. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He struggled to appear angry, but it seemed as if he was loosing the battle. I wondered absently what exactly had happened to draw him into such an easily defeated mood. It was unlike Kyou to simply give up without a fight, even metaphorically. I sat up and scooted backward until my back was pressed to the stump, and crossed my arms on my chest.

"I'm tired." I commented absently. I could think of little else to say.

"Well then get up and lets go." Kyou demanded, his agitation leaking into the words with volume. He was angry again, his mood heating at what he perceived was my stupidity or absentmindedness. I could only smile in return. "What's wrong with you, you idiot?" His voice reminded me of a growl.

"There is nothing wrong with me. I like it here." I tried to see through the darkness, straining to piece together his angry face in my mind and clear my vision with it, but I could not see very well in the dark. Kyou, on the other hand, I knew, could see quite well, despite the lack of light.

"Fine. Stay here." His flippant remark was absent of anger for once, and I knitted my brows in response, confused again at his easily diminished anger. A leaf drifted to land in my lap and I picked it up, twirling it between my fingers by the stem, and then returned my gaze to his direction. Kyou sighed again and turned to leave.

"I never noticed before." I commented quietly to Kyou's back. I looked at the leaf in my hand, barely able to discern the color, and then back up at him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He didn't seem at all interested, but he stopped and turned around, staring back at me through the dark.

"They're all your colors." I knew he was confused.

"Idiot. Why can't you just answer the question?" His voice was biting again.

"I did answer the question." I smiled at him. Kyou scowled at me.

"Fine then, what are 'all my colors'?" He demanded, mocking me.

"Now, that's a different question entirely." I waited for his anger.

"Idiot. I'm leaving. You can either follow me to Shigure's, or stay out here and rot for all I care!" Kyou's words spent like exasperation and I chuckled.

"Autumn." I smiled, twirling the leaf again. "The colors are all yours. Red, gold, and all the shades in between." I shrugged to myself. I never noticed before, but if the gods had assigned colors to people, Kyou's would definitely be the shades of autumn. Red-gold hair, ruby eyes, gold skin. He blended in. Like nature. I suppose it's the nature of cats. I knitted my brows in thought. Perhaps the gods _did_ assign colors, and that was what I hadn't noticed before.

"You never make any sense." Kyou sighed and slumped his shoulders. He looked almost as if his will had been washed away. "_I'm _tired." His voice was soft and came out almost weak.

"Will you wait with me a while?" I asked.

"What? What for?" His voice had returned to that angered volume I was used to.

"I don't feel like leaving just yet." I didn't explain any further. I leaned my head back, closing my eyes, not bothering to wait for his response.

My mind began wandering again almost instantly. I'd discovered long ago that I had a talent for disassociating myself with the present and reality, and so it was easy to lose myself in my thoughts. I easily lose track of time in that state, so I'm not sure if it was minutes or hours, or even seconds, before I heard the distinct sounds of Kyou taking a seat on the ground beside me. I looked over to find him sharing my stump, facing to my right, his back pressed to the wood. He tucked his chin to his chest and crossed his arms over his stomach. He sighed loudly, but I wasn't sure if it was in agitation or some semblance of defeat or sorrow. I rested my head against the dead trunk, my face tilted at an angle in which I could watch him. As easily readable as Kyou could be, I was thoroughly confused. His personality was somewhat enigmatic, despite the fact that he was emotionally an open book.

"Stop staring at me!" Kyou's voice broke my reverie and I jumped slightly. I hadn't noticed him turn to look at me, even though my eyes had been locked to him for quite some time.

"Sorry." I offered him my apologies.

"Are you ready to go yet? It's been nearly an hour." Kyou stood from the ground, dusting himself off angrily. I stood slowly, shaking my coat free of the few leaves that clung to the material. I nodded at him slightly and he began walking, his pace less than patient.

I wasn't as far from a familiar place as I initially thought. In less than ten minutes of walking, we arrived at Shigure's home. Kyou pointed me toward the phone once we were inside, demanding that I call Hatori to take me home. After a few insults, he left me alone in the hall and loudly made his way up the stairs. I couldn't help but frown at the immaturity of the action. Kyou could at once seem like a grown man, and an immature child. It seemed each side of him warred with the other, fighting to take precedence. His extreme emotions brought out a child-like defiance and rivalry, while another part fought to control those emotions. When he balled his fists, biting back the emotional outburst, desperately trying not to shout, it revealed a glimpse of the man he would some day be when he reigned in his insecurities and emotions. I smiled at the thought, although I had to admit I would miss the brash and easily bated Kyou.

Hatori informed me that he had something to take care off, but as soon as he was finished he would come and get me. I thanked him and slipped into the other room, taking a seat at the table. A stack of cards had been left out on the table and I reached for them, sliding them to rest in front of me. I shuffled them absently, thinking once again of autumn. I set the cards aside and ran my fingers through my hair. It was warm so close to the kotatsu, and I shrugged my jacket off, letting it fall to the floor. I picked the cards up from the table once again, turning each over, face up on the table. I tried guessing what each card would be; failing each time another card was turned. I sighed to myself and dropped the cards back onto the table and lay back on the floor. The ceiling above me was whitewashed, and it reminded me of my room, after the leaves had fallen.

"You're still here." Kyou's voice was flat and unamused. I wondered if he truly despised my company, or if his harsh manner was only a mask he wore, keeping people at arms length. My silence often did that, as well as my 'black' personality; a weapon of sorts. It pushed people away before they could do the same to me. I figured it was probably the same for Kyou. Hiding all his hurt beneath anger, instead of allowing someone the opportunity to hurt him again. All people use that device to some degree.

"Hatori said it would be a while before he could come." I explained my lingering presence.

"Oh." His reply was uninterested. I rolled my head to look up at him. Kyou was standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. He looked as if he wanted company, but was denying himself.

"Would you like to play cards?" I asked, not really wanting to play, but offering him a reason to escape being alone.

"Why would I want to play cards with you, you stupid cow? You probably can't remember how to play anyway." His words lacked the venom he'd meant them to have. I frowned at him and sat up.

"You know, Kyou... I'm not stupid, neither am I forgetful." I commented, still frowning. Kyou's expression flashed with guilt, but was quickly replaced with a cynical smirk.

"Then how do you manage to get lost so often? And for three days, no less!" Kyou's words were meant to hurt my feelings, to spark me into wanting to fight. I shrugged.

"I don't pay attention. When I get lost in thought, I forget about everything else." I shrugged at him again. "Sometimes, when I finally start paying attention again, I've already wandered too far and I don't know where I am. And since I'm usually lost in thought on the way, I never remember any landmarks." It was a simple explanation, and the truth. I didn't forget things I was familiar with, and when I paid attention, it was easy enough to get to and from a place once I've done it a few times.

"Stupid cow. You should pay more attention then. It would save me a lot of grief." Kyou's words were again mild. I wondered if the grief he meant was the aggravation of having to search for me, or something else entirely.

"Grief? You worry about me Kyou?" I asked, smirking at him in amusement. I secretly hoped it was true, even though I knew that he would never admit to giving a damn about anyone regardless.

"No, jackass! I just hate always being forced to drop everything and go look for you." As he spoke, Kyou's words lost their fire and drifted into something that sounded quite softer. I didn't respond to his comment, instead I watched him silently as he flopped down gracelessly at the table across from me.

"So, do you want to play cards?" I asked him again.

"No, can't you just shut up?" Kyou very nearly mocked me as he answered my question with one of his own.

"No." I responded. He stared at me across the table, again trying overly much to appear angry. It wasn't working. He only looked tired.

"Stupid cow." He mumbled the insult as he rested his head against his arms on the table. We sat in silence for a while; Kyou's head resting on the table and I staring at the top of his head.

"I've been wanting to apologize..." My words came without a thought. "I didn't really understand what I did until years later." I paused. "Children have a only a vague concept of betrayal." I nodded to myself, feeling I'd explained myself clearly enough. I'd felt regret for a long time, and I'd been waiting for the right time to apologize to Kyou for years. However, every other time I'd sought him out for this purpose over the years, we'd always managed to end up fighting. Kyou sighed.

"What in the hell are you talking about?" His voice was muffled, quiet and with a sleepy edge. He didn't even lift his head from the table.

"I remember, when we were kids..." I leaned over resting my elbows on the table and setting my chin in my hands, still staring at Kyou. "We used to be friends. We both hated him."

"Stupid fucking rat..." Kyou mumbled the curse into the table but didn't lift his head.

"I looked up to you, you were teaching me how to fight... and you hated him just as much as me. We both suffered because of him." I trailed off for a moment, thinking back. Even now, I could feel the anger and resentment beneath the surface. I dropped one of my hands to the table. My fingers drummed the wood, almost touching Kyou's red-gold hair. "But when I finally met him, he was much different than I thought. He was... nice to me. He..." I shook my head. I was such a child then, so... simply human. "He gave me a reason to let it all go. He was so passive, innocent seeming. He made me wonder, for the first time, if maybe the mouse didn't use the cow. He made me wonder if perhaps it was friendship, or even love, that led the cow to allow the mouse to ride on his back." I stopped for the moment.

"That's fucking stupid, Haru." Kyou's voice was acid and I watched his hand ball into a fist.

"Perhaps, but at the time, that's how I saw it. I was confused. My enemy seemed so unlike any enemy I had created in my mind, and he'd given me a reason to let all the anger and frustration and hate just drift away. I didn't want to believe the cow was 'stupid', and so I clung to that tiny little reason like a life line." I sighed and Kyou grumbled into the table. I reached my hand out and absently touched his hair. He didn't seem to notice. "And so, from that moment on, I decided to change the role of the cow, from a dimwit who was betrayed by a conniving mouse, to a friend who, out of mutual love, had given his friend a helping hand." My fingers twirled in his hair and I mused on how soft it was.

"You still believe that..."Kyou's words were both a statement and a question. His voice was low, as if he were half asleep.

"No, not exactly." I replied quietly. I leaned further over the table and stroked his hair more boldly. " I think..." I frowned at the table. "I think now, it's more that I believe that the cow was being a friend, and even if the mouse was using him, it's no reason to return the ill intent."

"But you 'love' Yuki." Kyou sounded almost... bitter.

"I thought I did. For a long time. But I realized, over time, that it was just my humanity, grasping for something to compensate for what I thought was the ugliness in me. Yuki was so beautiful, and I thought I was a stupid monster." Kyou flinched at the word and I pulled my hand away, allowing it to rest on the table. "I wanted to be like him, beautiful, special. But I realized, too, that I never could. I have a third side. Not just Human, not just a cursed Sohma, but also a hideous monster that would rise to the surface. 'Black'..." I stopped there. Kyou was shaking, it was almost imperceptible. I was unsure if it was anger or another more painful emotion.

Silence reigned over us for a long time and I found myself wondering if Kyou had fallen asleep. I heard a faint thumping noise echo from down the hall and I could hear the sound of amused clapping. Shigure's voice followed the noise in a singsong parody, he was chanting happily about something, but I couldn't quite make out what it was. I was sure it had something to do with the book he was writing and I wondered if it was a serious novel, or one of his more racy romance stories. I pushed the thought aside and focused again on Kyou. My fingers were again tangled in his hair, and again, he seemed not to notice.

"I'll always hate Yuki, no matter what ridiculous excuse anyone gives me." Kyou's words were angry, but the sleepy tone took the edge off. I wondered if perhaps he truly had dozed off for a few moments.

"I know." I shrugged. I wouldn't expect him to forgive Yuki for whatever personal injustice the other had issued Kyou. I also didn't expect the cat to forgive the mouse. My fingers twisted through his hair softly, and Kyou seemed to be drifting to sleep. "I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry."

"For what?" He spat, lifting his head to stare at me. I let my hand fall to the tabletop and he glared at it accusingly. "No, wait, I don't care." He flopped his head back down on his arms, attempting to end the conversation.

"I'm sorry for abandoning you. We were only kids, and I was too busy trying to find my way out of all of that ugliness to realize that I was leaving you alone. It must have felt as if Yuki took yet another thing away from you. In all honesty, he did." I shook my head.

"You didn't abandon... I didn't care, and I still don't! Who would waste their time feeling abandoned by a stupid fuckin brat like you anyway?" Kyou lifted his head to glare defiantly at me, his back arched in anger, his fingers curled like claws, digging into the edge of the table. He stared at me, willing his spite to burn me.

"Even if you didn't care, and still don't... I do. I care, because I left you, my best friend, to chase after someone, to idolize someone who to this day doesn't even care a tiny shred for me." Kyou still glared at me. "I abandoned the first person who showed me something other than indifference or pity, the first person that showed me love in favor of a cold little star that would never come close enough for me to reach." I let my other hand drop to the table and laced my fingers together.

"What do you mean 'love'? I didn't love you! You were just some stupid brat I had to help all the time! An idiot cow that couldn't even find the bathroom!" His anger seethed at being accused of caring for someone. It hurt to hear him say those things, but I deserved it. All the years that had gone by, he'd never even said a cruel word to me about it, and I'd never apologized, never even realized what I'd done. I deserved it. I _was_ a stupid cow.

"You can hit me if you like. I won't go 'Black'." I told him. It was a stupid thing to say, but the words fell from my lips before I could think how immature they were. Before I realized how sad they truly sounded.

Kyou stared at me for a moment, perhaps contemplating whether he should hit me or not. In the end, his shoulders slumped and he sighed. His eyes seemed sadder somehow, without that flame of anger there to reflect his fiery temper. Again, his head fell to the table. I tucked my arms to me and crossed them on the table, resting my chin on them. I was surprised that we'd not fought at all that day. It nearly worried me that Kyou hadn't struck out at me yet, and I nearly itched for a fight, if just to reassure myself that there _was_ nothing wrong with the cat.

I stared at the top of Kyou's head for a long time before snaking my hand out again to play with his hair. I didn't even attempt to hide what I was doing as I tangled my fingers through his red-gold locks. The tips of my fingers brushed across his scalp, combing his hair with my hand. I was petting him, threading his hair between each digit and letting it fall back into place. For a long time, he didn't respond, and so I continued. I figured he was either ignoring me, enjoying it, or he'd fallen asleep and the cat in him didn't particularly despise being petted. Kyou's head rolled to the side and I noticed that his eyes were closed, his face twisted in an unreadable expression. I sighed and brushed the hair from his forehead, trailing my fingers through his hair and over his scalp. In an instant he shot up, back arched in offended despise.

"What the fuck are you doing? Don't touch me!" He shouted, nearly knocking the table over in his quick rise. I fell backwards in surprise, landing on my back. Kyou looked down on me, his face red, whether stained with a blush or simply anger, I wasn't sure. His breath was somewhat ragged and his eyes nearly blazed, but only for a short instant. It was as much of a shock to seem him simply slip back into that tiredness so quickly. I was expecting him to beat me half to death or bolt from the room. Instead, he just stood there, anger and energy draining from him right before my eyes. I sat back up at the table again, brows furrowed in confusion.

I heard a car pull into the driveway and realized quite a bit of time had gone by. Hatori had arrived to pick me up and I stood slowly, lifting my coat from the floor. As I slipped it on, a leaf fell to the floor. I stared at it for a moment before bending to pick it up. I twirled the reddish colored leaf by the stem and smiled to myself. It was very close to the color of those blazing eyes that stared so intently at me.

"I fell in love with leaves once. I had a rather beautiful assortment tacked to my ceiling for an entire season." I commented. I wasn't exactly talking to Kyou.

"So." His reply was short and annoyed.

"The red ones always were my favorites." I told him as he slipped back to the floor to rest at the kotatsu. He shrugged as he laid his head again on his arms, resting himself on the table. Musing over the new realization, I wondered if it had been coincidence, or if somewhere in my mind, I had made that connection between the colors even back then, and that was the reason I'd fallen in love with the dead flora in the first place. Had it reminded me of Kyou, even when my child's fickle heart had all but forgotten him? I shrugged. It didn't matter. I realized, right now, autumn reminded me of Kyou, simple as that. I laid the leaf on the table near Kyou's hand and bid him goodnight. Kyou mumbled into the table in reply and I headed toward the door.

The entire ride home, both Hatori and I were silent. It was only when we arrived back at Sohma House that Hatori spoke. He asked me if my 'Black' side had surfaced while I was at Shigure's, if I and Kyou had fought. I shook my head in response and he frowned, seemingly slightly confused. A moment later he suggested that perhaps Kyou and I had gotten along, and I nodded, confirming the assumption. Hatori uttered a noncommittal noise, as if thoughtful, and bowed his head to me, wishing me goodnight. I nodded to him, returning the sentiment.

I took a seat on the edge of the porch, crouching on the lowest step. I thought back to my discussion with Kyou. Years of wandering, losing myself and my way, and tonight, it had brought me back to the very beginning. I thought to myself how I'd only told Kyou half of the story. My present half. There was still another piece. The angry piece. Another half that had wanted to destroy the 'rat', defeat him, win against him, regardless of the way in which that battle was won. Another half that hated Yuki for the very same reason I'd ever bothered to idolize him, the half that never really believed any of the pretty little lies that made the mouse seem so perfect. 'Black' Haru hated Yuki, he was resentful and angry, and harbored the pain of what the rat had done to the cow. 'Black' Haru never betrayed Kyou. I wondered when that half of me would surface, and if that half would ever get the chance, or even want to, explain the other side to Kyou. I wished for a moment that I could be two people at once, and listen in on that discussion.

I laughed softly to myself and reached down to a small pile of leaves. I pushed them about with my fingers, searching for that one that stood out. I found a particularly large leaf, it's color a stain that bled from pale gold to deep crimson at the opposite end. I nodded to myself, stood from my seat and climbed the steps to enter the house. The walk to my room was short, and I shrugged off my coat along the way. Tossing my jacket over the back of my chair, I closed my bedroom door behind me and looked up at my ceiling. The pins were still there. For years, I'd never bothered to take them out of the ceiling. I crossed my room to where my futon lay and looked up once again. I pulled a pin from the ceiling and pressed the leaf to the white washed 'sky' above me, shoving the tack through the center. As I lay down to sleep, I stared up at the leaf tacked above me and wondered if I'd fallen in love with leaves again.

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A/N: I doubt many will read this, and even fewer people will like it... however. For those who, by chance, do... if you feel the desire to comment, please... let me know how I can make this worth reading. I do not mean to waste anyone's time, so should I bother continuing this at all?

2: edited 'that' mistake. Flora/fauna. I knew it didn't seem right, and I should have known better than to ask my roommate Jenn to be a thesaurus. laughs So, thanks SelahSpinshadow


	3. Chapter 2: Falling Into Step

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Fruits Basket or anything pertaining to the manga or anime. The characters, places, etc... are not mine, nor do I lay any claim on them. This is not an attempt to infringe on any rights or copyrights, as this is purely for entertainment.

Authors Note: The second chapter. Again, I apologize for any spelling, grammar, or other mistakes. Also, I realize that this chapter is weaker than the first. Hopefully, this won't be the case for the following chapters. I'm currently suffering a horrible migraine that has decided three days of pain is _not_ enough, so has settled in for an extended/indefinite stay. hates migraine and shakes fist in anger Sorry to disappoint with this one, hope I'll be forgiven with the next chapter.

Title: 'Autumn'

Author: Evie Gunn

Rating: R rated for language and adult/sexual situations

Series: Fruits Basket

Pairings: Haru x Kyou

Genre: ?

Archive: If you like... just tell me where. I'm inclined to be a pessimist, so I doubt anyone would want to, but hey...

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**Autumn**

Chapter 2: Falling into Step

My collection had grown. Three days, I wandered back and forth across the Sohma property, randomly snatching any leaf that I found particularly interesting. Momiji had walked with me for a while, helping me choose. When he'd finally asked what I was doing, I'd just shrugged and told him simply, that I liked leaves. He'd frowned at me at first, but his face had quickly broken into a wide smile. He giggled at me and told me he'd help me find the most beautiful leaves there were. I wondered briefly at the childishness of our actions, but brushed the questioning aside. Momiji accepted it easily enough, happy to find such simple joy. The playful rabbit sought happiness, and the chance to bring someone else happiness; it didn't matter beyond that. I envied Momiji that virtue.

Eventually, my ceiling was again a canopy of leaves. No white shown past the overlapping layers of flora, and to look up, it was as if one was truly in a forest, tangled branches laced together to hide the sky. I smiled to myself as I tacked the last leaf to the ceiling. It had taken me days, consuming all of my time as I worked steady to cover the white. I couldn't even imagine exactly how many pins I'd collected and bought to attach the leaves. I frowned to my self as I realized how strange it was, spending hours and hours covering my ceiling with dead leaves, missing a day of school to wander and collect the multicolor brush. I felt like a child again, staring up at my work. When I was younger, I'd never covered the ceiling completely, instead just randomly sticking my collection where ever I felt the urge, wherever I could reach from my perch on any furniture I'd dragged around to climb on.

"It's beautiful..." Momiji's quiet voice drifted softly and I turned to watch him enter my room. His face was tilted upward and his mouth was curved in a soft smile. "I never imagined something like this." His eyes were large and bright as he wandered around my room, staring up at the cluttered ceiling.

"Thank you." I offered, still watching him. It amazed me sometimes how young he seemed. Again, I envied Momiji's qualities. I wished it were so easy for me to smile, to see beauty in simplicity. I only ever glanced at things, looking for the most obvious jewel, so I often missed the most precious gems.

"Haru...?" Momiji had turned his innocent face toward me, looking up expectantly. I reigned in my attention and nodded to him. "We should show everyone!" He was excited. I wasn't exactly sure why.

"No," I paused, thinking. "I'd rather not." I shook my head at him. It wasn't that I was embarrassed, but rather, for some reason I didn't want to share this with many people.

"Oh." Momiji's smile faded a little. "Oh!" His smile returned, brighter. "It's something special, then! It's just for you, because it means so much. I'm honored you let me help collect the leaves and allowed me to see it!" The small blond latched his arms around my waist and hugged me, humming happily to him self.

"You're welcome." I looked down at him as I spoke, my arms hovering outward as he squeezed me tightly. When he let go, he smiled up at me once again and giggled.

"Is there someone else you want to share it with?" I thought I saw a sparkle in Momiji's eyes. The blond was especially keen when it came to emotion; his empathy was like his own personal magic. I only stared down at him, my face expressionless. "No one makes something this beautiful just for themselves." Momiji squinted his eyes happily, his smile broadening.

"Oh?" I asked, smiling slightly, amused by his suspicion. He nodded and then looked up at the canopy once again.

"You know..." He paused, thinking, and tapped his finger to the side of his head. "It reminds me of someone." His smile slipped into innocence, and he looked at me again. I raised an eyebrow at his feigned innocence and waited for him to continue, but he remained silent.

Momiji scrunched his face at me and giggled before turning to dance out of the room, singing his good bye to me as he slipped past the doorframe. I watched him leave, the ribbon on the back of his odd shirt drifting on the air behind him. He seemed so childlike that I nearly always forgot how perceptive and wise he truly was. I shook my head and turned to reach for my coat. Slipping it on, I left my room, and then the house, again wandering the Sohma property. I followed the stone path that streeted the grounds, paying little attention to anything I passed. I thought perhaps, once, someone had called my name, but it was so faint I couldn't draw myself from my own mind to acknowledge it.

Eventually, inevitably, I suppose, I came to the open gates of the Sohma family estate. I stared at my family's name in the archway and wondered how we could truly call ourselves a family. It was by name alone. True, we shared blood, and a curse, but even so, we were so distant, so unlike a family should be. There was not enough love, not enough understanding to fit us together. We were like one great jigsaw puzzle, scattered and rearranged, some of the pieces damaged or flipped upside down; only no one could right the ones that were backwards, or repair the broken pieces. Some of us, despite it all, still fit together, still snapped into place to make a part of the picture. It wasn't necessarily the picture that had been painted for the family in the beginning, but it was something.

I hadn't noticed that I'd began walking again until I heard the sound of a car horn alerting me that it was near, and that I had wandered into its path. I realized I had moved into the street, so I stepped back up onto the curb quickly. When the car passed, I noticed that the people in the sedan were familiar. Hatori, Shigure, Momiji. I stopped along the side of the road and stared after them. It wasn't long before they slowed and stopped. A car door opened and Momiji popped out of the car and bounced down the sidewalk in my direction, smiling at me, almost conspiratorially. I frowned at him as he took my hand and dragged me toward the car.

"Come on, Haru. We are going to visit Tohru!" His voice was laced with happiness. I made a noise of understanding and allowed him to drag me toward the car. When I didn't keep pace with him, Momiji looked over his shoulder, brows arched in question. "Don't you want to go?" Momiji slowed his pace as he asked me this.

"I suppose..." I answered quietly.

"Kyou is going to be there." Momiji's voice was conversational. I turned my head toward him quickly and knitted my brows at the mention of our ruby-eyed cousin. I wondered why he would say that, why he thought that would change my mind or make any difference. Somehow, it did make a difference, but I continued to frown at the blond latched onto my arm.

"Momiji, I'm only that single-minded when I'm 'Black'." I thought, perhaps, Momiji believed the prospect of a fight with Kyou would appeal to me, even in my 'White' state.

"You don't always have to fight with Kyou." Momiji explained. "There are other reasons to visit him." Momiji's simple justification made me uncomfortable. It felt as though my privacy had been violated, yet at the same time, his words were like relief. The rabbit dragged me into the car and I pulled the door shut as Hatori moved the sedan back onto the street.

Momiji bounced happily in the seat beside me, explaining an idea he had for how Tohru should decorate her room. I wondered if it had something to do with his glimpse of my leaf canopy. I listened as the blond chatted away amiably, entertaining himself during the ride. Shigure was repeatedly begging Hatori to let him drive the car, to which Hatori simply answered 'No.' to each whine or plea. I smiled to myself at the way the two older men interacted. It was odd that a man like Hatori would be so close to two others with such flamboyant personalities as Shigure and Ayame. I drew myself away from thought as we followed the short driveway that led to our older cousin's house. In short time, we were climbing out of the car at Shigure's, a smiling Tohru greeting us from the porch, hands clasped beneath her chin.

"Shigure." Hatori's voice was soft, yet commanding. Shigure, who had been clinging to Hatori's arm whining about how cruel he was for not allowing him to drive the car, immediately let go of the other man and stood. I smiled, amused, as Shigure squinted happily, his smiling face turned toward his friend.

"Yes, Ha-ri?" Shigure lapsed into an innocent demeanor and clasped his hands in front of his chest, waiting for his friend to speak. I wondered if the dog knew how much more guilty it made him appear.

"Stop whining." Hatori's voice held no traces of agitation, only patience. I shook my head at the two and followed the others into the house, Shigure trailing at Hatori's heels. Before stepping up onto the porch, I glanced up at the roof, wondering if perhaps Kyou was perched up there, hiding from the world below.

Inside the house, it was little different from the ride in the car. Everyone was babbling aimlessly, speaking at once, carrying on multiple conversations. Even Hatori had grudgingly been drawn into a conversation with Shigure about his latest novel. Yuki had been waiting; sitting peacefully at the kotatsu when we entered, and he'd barely moved a muscle since. He hardly even acknowledged Tohru, much less anyone else in the room. I watched him disinterestedly while he traced a pattern on the table, his fingers making circles over the glossy wood. Oddly, I couldn't find it in my heart to care why he seemed so distant; my thoughts were slightly preoccupied with someone else.

When Kyou finally made his appearance, he was, predictably, angry. He stomped down the stairs like a child in the midst of a tantrum, throwing open the door and glowering at us all. If anyone other than I noticed, they did not show it. I watched as he stood in the doorway, his anger rising at being ignored. Finally, Tohru caught sight of Kyou and greeted the hot-tempered boy with a nervous smile.

"Kyou! I am happy to see you join us. You were sleeping when we ate lunch, so I saved it for you. Would you like me to..." He cut her off with a shout, typical of an angry Kyou.

"No! I don't want lunch, I want you all to shut up!" His voice rang through the room, but it was less than shocking. I frowned at him, but of course, he took no note of me.

"Now, Kyou. Don't be so angry." Shigure's voice was cheerfully oblivious to any danger Kyou represented.

"I'll be angry if I like! All of you idiots are too loud!" Kyou stomped to punctuate his statements. I heard Hatori sigh.

"You are louder than any of us, stupid cat." Yuki batted his usual insult back at Kyou. Kyou's face darkened and I thought for a moment I could hear the cat in him growling. I smiled at the idea.

"True, True!" Shigure singsonged before Kyou could direct his anger at Yuki. "Kyo is very loud!" I saw a particularly bright grin split Shigure's face. "Even when he's not yelling." Even without the accompanying gestures Shigure was mimicking, the innuendo was apparent. Even Hatori smiled. Kyou exploded.

"You fucking perverted dog!" Kyou lunged at Shigure. I could see the murderous intent in his eyes, but could not contain my mirth and grinned at the spectacle. Hatori, however, wrapped his fist into Kyou's shirt as he flew by and stopped Kyou's charge dead. Hatori barely flinched.

"Let me go, I'm going to kill him!" Kyou struggled in Hatori's grasp. I raised an eyebrow, surprised by the fact that despite Kyou's tendency to use insults to defend him self, he'd not used them against Hatori.

"Don't let him go, Ha-ri! He's going to kill me!" Shigure wailed dramatically and threw his arm up, the back of his hand pressed to his forehead dramatically. Yuki chuckled at the antics, and immediately Kyou's anger found another target.

"That's it, you fucking rat! I'm going to kill you this time!" Kyou jerked himself free of Hatori's grasp and glowered across the table at Yuki.

Yuki stood and straightened his clothes, suggesting to Kyou that they fight outside rather than allow more furniture to be broken. Kyou, of course, was not about to wait until they were outside to attack the mouse, and flung himself at Yuki. His wild punch was easily dodged and Kyou was sprawled on the floor in a matter of seconds. Yuki nursed his fist with his other hand, his eyes closed, silently gloating. I frowned in Yuki's direction, disgusted with the violet-eyed boy's disposition. I turned my gaze to Kyou and watched him sitting himself up on the floor, embarrassment and anger flushing his gold skin.

"Stupid cat." Yuki's voice was a hiss, slipping past his teeth to burn into Kyou. I felt myself growing angry, darkness straining to break the surface. I shook my head to clear it away, wondering when it had become so easy to get irritated with Yuki. Despite the fact that I'd realize some time ago that I did not truly love my dark haired cousin, I'd never been able to blame him for anything he'd done. To me, or to Kyou.

"Please, let's not fight." Tohru's shaky voice distracted me as she pleaded for the battle to be over. Her smile was weak and nervous, straining against her worry. I watched her face swing back and forth between the cousins. She tried so hard not to show it, but it was obvious how much she was bothered by Kyou and Yuki's failure to get along. It wasn't as easy for her to brush it off as it was for the rest of us, we were used to their rivalry.

"Don't you get tired of losing?" Yuki smirked at Kyou, ignoring Tohru's plea. I watched Kyou tense with anger, but his eyes held an entirely different emotion. "It's inevitable, Kyou. One day you'll realize you're nothing more than a stupid cat. I wait impatiently for the day they lock you..."

"Yuki!" Hatori's voice was a growl, low and dangerous, and I swung my head around in surprise to stare at him.

Hatori's voice had sliced the chaos of the atmosphere before Yuki could finish the sentence. I was somewhat shocked, devoid of reaction; unable to believe Yuki could be so cruel. In all the years I had known Yuki, never had such cold and unfeeling words escaped his lips. Belatedly, I noticed that Shigure and Hatori were standing; looking very much like the animals they were cursed with. Hatori's eyes shone with an anger only a dragon could possess, and even the normally cheerful Shigure's seemed more like an angered guard dog. I noticed, from the corner of my eye, Momiji dragging a confused looking Tohru from the room, his young face clouded with hurt for Kyou.

"I think it's time to go." Hatori nodded at me, inclining his head, then returned to glower at Yuki. The dark haired boy didn't even have the good sense to appear cowed, nor regretful. "You, " Hatori paused, and I followed his line of sight back to my cousin's face. His voice was calm as he spoke. "Have gone a bit too far. You should apologize." Yuki didn't respond.

I stared at the boy I had idolized for so long, wondering how I had missed the underlying hostility and cruelty for so long. Thinking back, I realized it had always been there. That mocking tone, that haughty demeanor that was laced through even his kindest words. I furrowed my brow in agitation. My thoughts were getting heavier and my head was beginning to hurt. If I didn't escape the tense situation soon, I knew my other half would slip in, take over. I didn't want that half to awaken, didn't want to be forced to stand down while 'Black' Haru stood up to release the anger I was so desperately trying to swallow. I focused my attention on Kyou. He was watching everyone in the room, his expression a mixture of hurt and anger, and complete confusion. It was as if he was puzzled by anyone showing concern for him, defending him, even in the smallest way. And Hatori and Shigure's current stance on his and Yuki's fight obviously unsettled him.

Yuki turned his back to everyone in the room, again presenting nothing but cool indifference. Hatori snorted and turned to leave, Shigure followed Hatori out of the room, his expression having softened into worry. I frowned at Yuki's back, watching the thin boy ignore us all. From the corner of my eye I saw Kyou spring to his feet and flee the room. Immediately, my eyes locked to him as I watched him disappear from the room. My heart sank. I was reminded of all the hate, the spite, the cruelty that he'd been forced to bear throughout his life. Again, he was reminded that he was the cat, that he was a monster. I empathized with him.

"Stupid cat." Yuki spat the word in a voice only slightly above a whisper.

I clenched my fists at my side. I could see spots before my eyes, little dancing lights flashing about in my vision. It was as if everything had taken on a more vivid glow, brighter somehow. I tilted my head in Yuki's direction and it seemed as if I suddenly had tunnel vision. I felt my control suddenly slip away. I was seething. How dare he be so cruel, so venomous? In an instant, I rushed toward the condescending 'prince'. I wrapped my fingers over his thin shoulder and spun him to face me. I leaned my face close to his, watching the color drain from him, his eyes grew wide in surprise. I pushed closer, each of my steps forcing him to step backward. I growled at his silence and twisted my fist into the front of his shirt, gripping the cloth so tightly I could hear it squeaking in defiance in my grip.

"Stupid cat?" I asked him calmly. I narrowed my eyes and grinned at him, waiting for his reply. He only stared at me as if he were truly too shocked to respond. I held tighter to his collar and shoved him backward, slamming him into the wall. He grunted, his breath slipping from his weak lungs.

"Haru, what's wrong with you?" His voice was angry, but I could still hear the fear. His face slipped into a cooler composition, his entire being offended by my actions. I grinned.

"Wrong with me?" I laughed. "There is nothing wrong with me, you fucking rat." My voice grew in volume and he squinted as it reached his ears from the short distance. I wanted nothing more than to plunge my fist into his chest and examine the black stone that rested where Yuki's heart should be. "Or perhaps, there is. Why don't you tell me..." I forced my knuckles into this chest, grinding them against his breastplate. I watched pain flash across his face and snorted in amusement.

"Black Haru." Yuki's reply was quiet. I felt my anger growing. His eyes were locked to mine; he was face to face with a monster. Monster. The thought rang through my mind and waves of disgust rippled through me. I thrust my other fist into Yuki's stomach and he grunted with pain, shifting forward in an attempt to double over, but I held him against the wall.

"Don't you think I'm a monster, my sweet Yuki?" I asked him quietly, tilting my head to the side. His breath was ragged and he coughed weakly. "Well, I am. I'm a monster just like Kyou. Perhaps they should lock me up too?" I smirked at the mocking tone I heard in my own voice. Violet orbs shot up to lock with mine. Guilt warred with fear in his eyes. I felt like god, there was electricity humming through me. The sensation was amazing; my anger was a gift, an orgasm.

"Haru..." His voice almost squeaked out and his hands gripped my shoulders as he tried to push me away. I narrowed my eyes at him. I didn't care what he had to say; my only desire was to see him bleed.

"You disgust me!" I growled at him and watched as his eyes fell closed. He hadn't even attempted to fight back yet. "Fight me!" I shouted. It felt as if fire was suffusing me, racing through my veins, and I wanted nothing more than a chance to force my knuckles into his soft body, to hear his bones break with the force of my blows, feel his flesh give under the pressure of my fists. I released him and stepped back, my fists balanced before me. "Fight me, you fucking rat!" I shouted again as he slumped against the wall.

"You fight me because of that stupid cat?" Yuki's question was laced with anger, perhaps even jealousy. I grinned again.

"Why? Are you jealous?" I smiled at Yuki and he glared at me, his eyes were hard. I prayed for his fists to swing at me. "Upset that I'm not fawning over you anymore? You liked that, didn't you 'Prince'?"

"You are sickening, Haru." His voice was low, disgusted. I nodded in agreement with Yuki's accusation. I was foul, disgusting... I was a monster. I grinned until my face hurt, baring my teeth in a lewd smile akin to a snarl. Yuki bristled.

"After I bruise you, my sweet Yuki, I think I'm going to _fuck_ that arrogance out of you." My voice was nearly a whisper. Yuki's face blanched and his eyes widened. I hardly had time to gloat over the effect of my words before I felt Yuki's fist connect with my face. My cheek stung from the hit and I felt myself falling for a short moment before my back struck the table. Pain arced through my body, but I didn't care. He turned to leave. "Is that all you have? All that viciousness gone already?" I smirked at his back from the floor.

"You're vile." Yuki hissed the words at me.

"And you are a soulless bastard." My comment was almost friendly. I watched as he spun to face me, again his eyes shown guilt, even behind the angry grimace he wore. I pulled myself up from the floor and faced him again. I saw Hatori and Shigure standing behind Yuki in the doorway. Hatori's face was almost... shocked; his eyes wide beneath the shadow of his bangs. Shigure was staring blankly and dumbly at the scene. I chose to ignore their presence. "Come on '_Prince'_ Yuki," I spat the words at him. Prince. What an ugly kingdom he would reign over. "Aren't you going to hurt me?" He swung at me, his fist connecting with my shoulder as I turned away from him. I winced in pain at the impact. Yuki was strong.

"I'm tired of this!" His words were agitated.

"Aww, ready to end the fight already? Or perhaps you just can't wait to get to the fucking?" I laughed, swinging out my foot. My ankle caught Yuki's leg and he plummeted to the floor, surprised. I heard a gasp from the doorway. My heart thumped in my chest and my mind raced, adrenaline zipping through me. I looked down at Yuki on the floor. I hated him.

"Are you just going to lie there on the floor like a whore waiting to be mounted?" I enjoyed my own vulgarity. "Get up and fight me!" Yuki scowled and sprang gracefully from the floor.

Before I could even react, Yuki's foot caught me in the side of my head and I felt myself racing to meet the floor. The pain split my head and I felt suddenly weak. The anger drained from me quickly and I was exhausted. I lay on the floor and stared up at the ceiling, my eyes refusing to focus for long minutes. I could hear talking, but only faintly. My ears were ringing and I felt dizzy. My thoughts swam as I stared at the ceiling, and suddenly I missed my canopy of leaves. It was then that my thoughts drifted to Kyou. Yuki had been cruel to Kyou and I idly wondered if I should go and talk to my fiery cousin, to make sure he was all right.

A hand fell on my shoulder and I turned my head to see Hatori hovering above me. He frowned at me and forced me to sit up, asking if I could hear him. I nodded to the man and rubbed the side of my head. I scanned the room, unsure of why exactly I had been laying on the floor. The last thing I remembered was seeing Kyou sprint from the room, his eyes bleeding hurt. I stood slowly, unsteadily, and glanced over at Shigure. He was standing in the doorway, smiling nervously. Hatori led me from the room to the door and I sat down to put on my boots. Hatori explained that I had gone 'Back' and fought briefly with Yuki. I nodded. I had realized that it was likely that I had gone 'Black', and I remembered being irritated at my dark haired cousin. It was odd, still, to think that I had actually blacked out on Yuki and I frowned as I laced and buckled the straps on my boots.

Momiji came slowly down the stairs, his face somewhat somber, and walked slowly over to join Hatori and I at the door. He smiled his goodbyes to Tohru. She returned his smile happily, seemingly oblivious. I smiled at her naivety, finding it a truly endearing quality, and stood to bow to Shigure. I apologized to him for my earlier actions and he waved it off, smiling happily and asking us to come for another visit soon. Shigure matched Tohru in his easily forgiving manner, I was grateful. Hatori placed his hand against my back and urged me out of the house, Momiji trailed behind us.

We returned to the car and I climbed into the front seat next to Hatori silently. The engine growled to life and the car began to move. I stared out the window at a waving Tohru and Shigure, their smiles a kind send off after my disrespectful display. I sighed to myself, wishing somehow, I could be rid of my other half. As we followed the driveway, moving away from our cousin's home, I glanced in the side mirror and caught site of Kyou sitting on the roof. His knees were pulled to his chest, his arms wrapped around them, holding them to him in an embrace. His head was down, resting on his knees. I wondered if I would see tear tracks on his cheeks should he look up.

"Haru." Hatori's voice drew me back to the car. I nodded. "You should try harder to control your temper."

"Yes, Hatori." I laced my fingers in my lap. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok Haru." Momiji chirped happily. I wondered how he could so easily forgive me for going 'Black', how they all could. "Sometimes, we all get angry. It's nothing to be ashamed of." Momiji smiled at me as I turned to look at him. "Kyou gets mad like that all the time." It wasn't the same, not for me. Our anger is different.

"Thank you, Momiji." His forgiveness was something I felt I didn't deserve.

"Haru?" I nodded to Momiji. "When we get back, do you want to collect more leaves?" I raised my eyebrows at the blond.

"Okay." I smiled at Momiji. Kyou. Again, I was drawn into thinking about my crimson-eyed cousin. I stared out the window. The drive home led us through a canvas of autumn, leaves scattered like confetti, drifting down from the trees on the wind to join the others that blanketed the ground.

I leaned my head against the glass of the car window, ignoring the pain in the side of my head. I wondered how Yuki fared. He would be angry with me. 'Black' Haru was rarely kind, and often quite candid with phrases. I worried I had offended him beyond repair, even more so than attacking him physically. I'd never fought with Yuki before, had never slipped into that darkness that was my other half because of _him_. I tried desperately to remember what had gone on, but beyond the pained realization that I had truly fought with Yuki, I could remember very little.

We arrived at Soma house and Hatori immediately dismissed himself to his offices. I stood near the car and stared up at the sky. It was growing grayer each day; fall stripping the color from the world in preparation for winter. I'd miss autumn when it was gone. I felt a hand slip into mine and looked down to my side. Momiji was tugging on my arm, smiling at me.

"Let's go, Haru." Momiji giggled. "We'll find some more red ones." I narrowed my eyes at him, suspicious.

"Not for too long, though. My head hurts." I rubbed the side of my head with my free hand and smiled at my blond cousin. He grinned.

Momiji tightened his grip on my hand and began skipping, pulling me along with him. I raised one brow at him, wondering what an odd couple we must make. An innocent looking blond child, skipping through the gardens of the Sohma Estate, dragging an admittedly odd looking teen along behind him to collect leaves and flowers. People were already staring at us in distaste. I shrugged. Let them stare. I found myself wondering how much more odd it would seem should it be an angry Kyou dragging me behind him in a similar fashion. I smirked at the thought.

"Oh, it's perfect." Momiji almost purred. I glanced at him in confusion. "It's the same color, isn't it Haru?" The blond narrowed his eyes at me and presented me with a rather brightly colored stone. Momiji let go of my hand and dropped the rock in my palm.

"Are we collecting garden stones instead?" I was slightly amused. Momiji grinned and bounced happily.

"What a wonderful idea!" Momiji giggled. " But you keep that one." I nodded as the blond squatted to the ground and began poking at the small pebbles that littered the garden.

I watched my cousin inspecting the rocks at his feet for a moment before glancing at the stone I held in my hand. I rolled the ruby colored rock in my palm, allowing it to catch the afternoon light. It wasn't particularly impressive, slightly dull and chipped, its smooth surface crisscrossed with veins of darker red. It was rather pretty, not despite it's flaws, but because of them. I sighed. Momiji was right. It was almost exactly the same color as Kyou's eyes.

...

A/N: Aa... I know. I slip, and slip... Plot hides, dialogue sneaks away, and I'm left grasping for something... I _CANNOT_ write 'Black Haru', it's impossible! Impossibly hard! My attempts come off so... wrong, dull, flighty, out of character and generally just 'blah'. I apologize! I'm sorry this chapter was so disappointing. Hopefully, with practice, I'll learn how to please, learn how to find some sort of order and completion. Until then, you have to deal with my unaccomplished style. :) Hopefully, I haven't switched yet another word around and made a fool of myself. Honestly, I have to laugh thinking about how I had poor Haru collecting dead animal parts. cracks up Also, notice I do not use honorifics... This is because I don't know how. Heh. I'm not quite so educated in that aspect, and I don't want to use them wrong. Also, I leave out the Japanese phrases, because, again, I'm not fluent. I have only been learning Japanese for a year or so, so I'm still too unsure of myself in that respect. I envy you people who can do that. -jealous squint- I always loved that in fics... it gave such personality and an air of authenticity to the stories.

2: Also, thank you to all the people who have said such wonderful things! I apologize for the lack of originality in my story. :P I am unsure how to make it less predictable. : (


	4. Chapter 3: Polishing the Stone

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Fruits Basket or anything pertaining to the manga or anime. The characters, places, etc... are not mine, nor do I lay any claim on them. This is not an attempt to infringe on any rights or copyrights, as this is purely for entertainment.

Authors Note: This is the third chapter. I'm not sure how much farther this story is going to go. I imagine it will extend to at least five chapters. Possibly beyond. I pray I do not lose inspiration. I'm planning for the story to span the season of autumn. At the story's start, autumn had just begun, the leaves just starting to fall heavily. I'm not sure about everywhere, but where I am from, since the summer is so hot and dry, the leaves begin to fall at the end of summer, and usually the trees aren't bare until mid-to-late winter. Since winter is so mild in South Carolina. Summer and fall are the longest seasons here. I'm speaking of climatic seasons, not the seasons based on the calendar.

Title: 'Autumn'

Author: Evie Gunn

Rating: R rated for language and adult/sexual situations

Series: Fruits Basket

Pairings: Haru x Kyou

Genre: ?

Archive: If you like... just tell me where. I'm inclined to be a pessimist, so I doubt anyone would want to, but hey...

...

**Autumn**

Chapter 3: Polishing The Stone

Haunted. It is the only word that I could find that sufficed to describe him. My heart ached every time I looked at Kyou. His eyes were dark, and despite the fact that his fiery spirit _seemed _undiminished, I could tell there was something missing. Or perhaps there was something else there, taking up residence. Too much weight, too much of something, crowding in and pressing itself to the walls of his soul, spreading inside him like a storm cloud, sapping the heart out of his life. I knew exactly what it was.

Yuki had so kindly reminded us all. Kyou was still thought to be a monster. A thing that, no matter how much rain came down, could never be washed clean. It seemed unavoidable. Kyou would try each day to surmount his obstacle, and again, each day, right when he neared the top, he would be swept back down to the bottom. Back down to where it was inevitable. It was a hopeless battle. We all knew it. We all knew. One day, Kyou would be taken away, dragged kicking and screaming to that cage. He would be locked away and the family would happily toss away the key and try to forget he ever existed. Unless, of course, they felt the curse bearing down on them. Then they would visit Kyou, they would torment him, laying all the blame, the weight, of the curse at his feet. They would tell him how it was all his fault, the cat's fault.

I despise the thought of it. I think, maybe, I fight just as hard to disbelieve. To ignore it, to wish it away, to forget what could happen, what would happen in so short a time. I almost wish I could trade places with him, switch bodies, curses, anything to relieve the pain he is in. But I can't do that. I mused on the unfairness of the situation. It isn't Kyou's fault he was born into being the cat. It isn't his fault that any number of horrible things happen in his life, even the ones he is directly responsible for. The demon in him drives him mad, forces him into actions I know he would back away from if he could. It's the same for me. My demon breaks free and rampages the world, angry and vicious and full of hate. All caged animals are that way. And that is what our demons are. Tortured and trapped within us. So, when they have the chance to break free, they charge headlong into the outside world. Running, swinging, roaring, teeth bared and lashing out at anything in their reach. They don't care who they catch in their crossfire. Just like the Sohma family blames our demons, our demons, in turn, blame the world.

My eyes followed Kyou as he walked ahead of me, his arms folded at his chest. He was walking alone, watching the ground. Ahead of him, Yuki and Tohru walked at a more brisk pace, unburdened by the extra weight that slowed Kyou's steps. I sighed and slowed my own pace, as I seemed to be closing in on my ruby-eyed cousin. I wondered if it was I who'd sped up, or he who'd slowed down.

I had apologized to Yuki in school, the very next day after the incident. The violet-eyed boy had simply waved it off. His eyes had searched the floor as he admitted that it was he that should apologize, to both Kyou and me. I told Yuki that I remembered what had sparked me into 'Black' Haru, and that regardless of my brutality in that state, I felt the same, though I regretted anything overly cruel I had said or done myself. I didn't want to be like Yuki had been that night, didn't want to be anything like the pitiless Sohma clan that flung hurtful things at a person because of a mistake. He'd thanked me, and told me that he envied my 'good heart', that he understood I'd done what I had because I cared so deeply for another. I was baffled by his words, his explanation for my misstep into that darkness. But we had mended the rift, moved back into easy company and some semblance of normalcy.

Kyou stopped walking ahead of me and I had to step to the side to avoid walking into him. He glanced at me angrily before turning away and crossing the street. I watched as he slipped into the wooded area that lined the road, disappearing into the trees. I wondered where he was going. I glanced back toward Yuki and Tohru and noticed that they too had stopped to watch Kyou slip into the woods. My violet-eyed cousin shot me a questioning glance and I shrugged at him. I heard Tohru ask him about Kyou. His mumbled reply about Kyou being strange and needing time to himself seemed to quell her curiosity, though slight concern still rested softly on her face. The two turned and continued their walk and I was left alone to stare at the tree line.

I had meant to follow them to Shigure's to spend the evening, but Kyou's side quest had distracted me, and instead I found myself following him. In moments, I was lost. I cursed my lacking sense of direction and continued to wind my way through the sparse forest, hoping I would work my way back out or run into Kyou. I wandered aimlessly; following what I prayed was the trail Kyou had followed. There was an almost unnoticeable path along the forest floor, a sort of foot track where the leaves were less of a carpet and dark earth showed through. The branches and brush were not quite so clogged and unyielding. I wondered if Kyou had made the path, if he slipped into the woods so often on his way home that he'd worn the trail himself, with his own hurried steps in an attempt to escape the world and it's cruel clawed fingers.

I was sure no one had yet noticed my absence. I'd had no idea how long I'd been following the path, no idea how far my slow pace had carried me into the woods. The path had not yielded, had not ended nor opened into any clearing. I guessed at minutes, but as my mind wandered, I had no concept of time. I shrugged, accepting my fate and decided to enjoy my stroll. I tucked my hands into my pockets and continued on, uncaring of where I was led, whether I reached any particular destination. In my pocket, I found the rock Momiji had given me that day in the gardens a week before. I tumbled it in my pocket, rolling it around with my fingers. I'd carried the stone with me ever since.

It was a small stone, and my constant handling of it was wearing it smoother, but most of the surface was still rough and raw. I knew if I could peel off, rub off, the outside layer, it would be shiny and soft, a smooth glossy finish. I mused on how Kyou was more similar to the stone than anyone knew, more similar than even I had realized. It wasn't just the color, but the entire thing. Kyo was rough and raw, abrasive personality worn on the outside to protect him. His outside was chipped too, all the stones flung at him, the knives jabbed into his sides, the blows he took from the world had created dents in that surface. Yet it held. It had protected him in a way that everyone else had failed to do. I wondered how smooth and shiny he could be if I worked at him, wondered if I could rub away that roughness and make him smoother to the touch. I wondered if I could be the one to reach him. Tohru had done a bit when it came to that, she'd soften some of the edges. If one person's kindness, care, could do that...

I was startled back to reality and the forest by a curse. I looked around; trying to find the direction the voice had come from. I saw no one about me on the ground, so I began to scan the trees. I looked up, slowly turning until I caught sight of red-gold hair. My eyes focused on Kyou and I smiled at his angry look. I had invaded his privacy, I knew, but I did not regret it.

"Hello, Kyou." I barely raised my voice to call to him.

"What are you doing out here?" His voice was annoyed. I shrugged.

"I followed you." I opted for honesty.

"It figures." He sighed. "What do you want?" He began to climb down from the tree, abandoning his perch.

"Nothing." It wasn't exactly the truth. I shrugged to myself. I just wanted to be near him, but I knew if I told him that, he would be even more angry.

"I'll never get away, will I?" He asked the question as he dropped to the ground. I barely heard him; his voice had been so low. When I didn't answer, he asked again. "I'll never get away from you people, never get away from any of it, will I?" He sounded angry, but looked defeated.

"I'm sorry, Kyou." I sighed and looked away, guilt washed over me. He needed his peace, the chance to fantasize that he wasn't part of the curse, the Sohma's. That he wasn't the cat at all. That way, for a little while, he could imagine what life would be like if he were normal. He could pretend that he'd never be locked away, that there was no threat of losing his freedom because of the monster that lived in him.

"I hate it. _Hate_ it!" I turned to look at him again. His ruby-eyes were locked to mine. "I hate all of you, sometimes!" I knew exactly what he meant. I had that same hate in me. "Even if the rest of you are cursed, even if you can't get away from it, at least you aren't monsters!" I wanted to tell him I was a monster too, that I had similar nightmares. I was afraid they'd lock me away too, one day. If they can't cure my temper, can't kill the darkness in me, one day, they might lock me away too. I might share that cage with Kyou.

"Kyou..." I knew he wasn't going to let me finish, somehow.

"No!" He was shouting. "Don't tell me something stupid like _'I understand how you feel''_, because you don't. No one does. I'm the cat. The _cat_. Do you know what it's like to have everyone hate you? Do you know what it's like to have some third half? Some fucking monster living inside you, just waiting to break free and destroy your life... everyone's life?" He shouted it at me. I could only stare at him and wait. He needed to get it out, to talk; and I was going to listen.

His eyes never left mine as he animatedly explain his hell. His fists clenched at his sides, fingers twisted into his pants, gripping the material so tight his knuckles were going white. I smiled at him softly, hurting for him, with him. I felt no pity, only shared in his frustration. It was mine too. Suddenly, the anger slipped from his face and his eyes widened slightly. He saw it, I think, right then. The similarity. His shoulders slumped and his fists loosened, letting go of the fabric of his pants. His eyes, however, were confused. I closed my eyes and turned my face to the heavens. I looked up at what sky could be seen beyond the braided branches of the trees. Pale clouds drifted slowly across the whitewashed canvas, almost matching the graying backdrop that was the sky. I smiled. It was a beautiful day, despite it all.

"How do you live with it, Haru?" I tore myself away from the heavens to answer Kyou. He sank to the ground, sprawling in the dirt and leaves. Even so, his body language was closed off, he was withdrawn and holding his whole world tightly within himself.

"Live with what?" I deliberately played the fool.

"You know exactly what I mean." He growled at me, his voice loud as he shot his eyes up to connect with mine.

"Ah, that." I chuckled and took a seat next to him on the ground. "Well..." I smiled crookedly and began rolling the small red stone in my hand with my thumb. He watched my hand as I spoke. "I suppose, the same as you. I just go on each day, trying not to think about it. Hoping it doesn't burst out of me or rip me in half. Hoping I don't _become _'it'." I frowned. I'd always feared that one day, that darkness would take over and I'd be lost. That I would become 'Black" Haru forever.

"It's not so easy for me to just ignore it. People are always reminding me." He spat the words like an angry cat.

"Yes." I agreed. "I'm reminded myself, all too often..." If others didn't bring out my 'Black' side, somehow, I managed to bring it out all on my own, my thoughts brushing too close and awakening that anger.

"What the hell is that thing anyway?" Kyo demanded suddenly, pointing at my hand as if it were offending him. I laughed at his sudden outburst. He glared at me, eyes demanding I answer him.

"Momiji gave it to me." I opened my hand, showing him the rock. He stared at it for a moment then rolled his eyes at me. "He thought it was pretty. I do too."

"Stupid cow." He scoffed. "It's just a fucking rock."

"So it is." I smirked.

"Then what's so goddamn special about it?" His voice was demanding. He was annoyed with my sarcasm.

"I like the color." I refrained from telling him exactly what it was about the color of the stone I liked.

"You make me tired." He commented dryly. I chuckled at him and closed my hand around the rock, continuing to roll it with my fingers. He was still watching my hands.

"It reminds me of you, you know." My offhanded remark caused him to bristle.

"What the fuck are you talking about, you stupid cow?" I'd expected him to be more offended than he was. Kyou snatched the rock from my hand and inspected it in disgust.

"It's red, Kyou." He looked up at me as I spoke and I raised an eyebrow at him. I was teasing him.

"I can see that, you idiot!" Kyou handed the rock back to me and wiped his hand on his pants as if to get rid of the feel of it.

"Ah, but do you realize it's the same color red as your eyes?" I asked, holding the rock aloft before his face in comparison.

"What?" He stared at me for a moment before angrily batting my hand away. The stone flung from my grasp and landed in the brush. I didn't see where it went. "Stupid fucking rock. I hope it's lost." I frowned at Kyou.

"That was childish, Kyou. And cruel." I stood and dusted myself off. "Which way to Shigure's?" I asked, looking down the trail. I glanced in both directions, unsure of the way out of the forest.

"You're leaving?" For a moment, he sounded disappointed.

"Why would I stay with someone who obviously doesn't like my company?" I asked lightly.

"We... Well good riddance! I never wanted your company in the first place! Who'd want to hang around with some brat anyway?" Kyou shouted at me, jumping to his feet. He was angry. I wondered if he was angry with me, or himself.

"My, aren't we mature." I laughed at him. Oddly, he failed to respond. I'd hoped to bait him into a fight.

In the past week, Kyou had brushed off every attempt I'd made to spark a battle, flinging his customary insults and then storming off instead. His relationship with Yuki had not changed overly much. They still argued as they always had, though Yuki refrained from insulting Kyou as harshly as he had in the past. It was a sign of the violet-eyed boys remorse for his previous actions. Kyou failed to realize this, however, and pretended that night had never happened. I wasn't sure if it was maturity that led him to dismiss it, or if he was attempting to block the memory. However, even with Yuki, Kyou had not come to blows. I worried over the situation, waiting for a fight to erupt. It would show that things were returning to normal.

"Just follow the path that way." The words were ground out from between clenched teeth. He lifted his arm, pointing me in the direction of Shigure's. "It goes straight to the house." He turned his back to me.

"Goodbye, Kyou." I turned away from him and left.

Shigure was sitting on the porch giggling when I arrived. As I stepped out of the woods, he jumped in surprise before rising to his feet and greeting me with a typical Shigure grin. I smiled back at him, returning the hello. He shuffled me into the house and into his study and urged me to sit. I folded my legs beneath me and took a seat on the floor beside his desk as he rummaged through a drawer. A moment later, Shigure was proffering a thin book in my direction. The cover was brightly decorated; a scantily clad girl, smiling seductively, stared out at me. I smiled and shook my head.

"My latest and greatest, my dear Haru!" Shigure grinned brightly at me. "And you get the first copy!" He was shining with pride. "I even signed the inside, see?" He forced the cover back as it rested in my hands. I read what it said and could barely hold back my laughter. _'My dearest fan! I hope you happily receive this book. Notice that I have autographed the wonderful book so that it may be that much more precious! As it is now your most valuable and priceless possession, I do hope you will take good care of it! With much love, Sohma Shigure; the worlds greatest 'Warrior of Love!'_ I looked up to Shigure's grinning face; his eyes squinted in pleasure, and bowed to him in thanks.

"Thank you, Shigure. I am honored." I coughed to hide my small laugh.

"Yes, yes, well, flattery will get you everywhere!" He announced, blushing in delight. I nearly scoffed in amusement at his dramatic self-appreciation. "You _must_ read it soon and tell me how much you _love_ it, Ha-ru!" His voice took on that singsong quality that he used to express his excitement. "And here! Give this one to Ha-ri when you see him! I know he is just _dying_ to read my newest story. I can never write fast enough to keep him happy. He's so _voracious_ in appetite for my lovely romances!" Shigure winked at me conspiratorially as he handed me another copy of the novel. I wondered if he'd signed the second book as well.

"I will give it to him the moment I see him." I agreed. Hatori, truly, never much cared for the type of books Shigure wrote, but he couldn't deny Shigure's plea to read his work. The dragon would patiently read the dog's stories through, with the same tolerance he exuded while listening to Shigure ramble on about anything the friendly man happened to find reason to chat about.

"Oh, wonderful!" Shigure responded, clapping his hands in amusement. "I'll _have _to discuss the more intimate details of the book with him the very next time I see him. I know how he does _so_ love my fascinating conversation." I shook my head. Sometimes, Shigure rivaled Ayame for his over-the-top antics.

As Shigure and I exited the study, Tohru announced that dinner was ready. We entered the living room and took seats at the table. I endured the sweet girls greeting as she fawned over me and apologized for not making something more 'worthy of a dinner guest'. I could only smile at her and thank her, assuring her that what she had made was more than suitable. Shigure helpfully informed her that I was glad to be the guest of such a wonderful dinner, and that quite inevitably, after tasting her wonderful foods and confections, I would surely attempt to whisk her away to be my bride, so impressed was I with her culinary skills. His flattery left Tohru with a deep blush and nervous giggle, and earned the dog a smack to the back of the head. Yuki had heard the older man prattling on as he entered the room and delt a light blow to the back of Shigure's head. Shigure whined about how mean Yuki was and the unfairness of being hit for complimenting such a sweet girl as Tohru. He was answered with the customary 'stupid dog', before we all, minus Kyou, began eating the food Tohru had prepared.

When dinner was over, I helped Tohru clear the table. She insisted that I should leave it to her, that I was the guest for the evening, so I should not feel obligated to help and then she forced me out of the kitchen while she continued with her work. I sighed, but allowed her to complete the task on her own. I had been trying to distract myself from the thought of Kyou. There was little in the way of distraction, and I was not one inclined to idle conversation. Shigure chatted away happily at both Yuki and I. The violet-eyed boy involved himself mildly in the conversation, but I was unsure what they were discussing. I stared down at the book that lay on the floor beside me and shrugged. I picked it up and began to read. I looked up after a moment and noticed that both Yuki and Shigure had fallen silent. A bright grin had split the dog's face, while Yuki was smiling at me in silent amusement.

"Ha-ru!" Shigure's happy lilt was slightly dramatic, as expected. "You're reading it already! I'm so excited!" Shigure folded his hands beneath his chin. "But," One hand moved to scratch thoughtfully at his jaw. "You'll need privacy to enjoy it fully!" His shout was laced with devious amusement.

"Pervert." Yuki accused Shigure quietly. Shigure ignored him.

"Would you like to read it in my room?" Shigure's voice was low. He winked at me and I stared at him blankly. I found myself agreeing with Yuki.

"No." I shook my head and glanced down at the book. I decided perhaps I was a bit curious, and I was far from a prude, but the prospect of Shigure hovering over me while I read was not very a very pleasant idea. I could only take so much of the excitable man before I had to relieve myself from his presence. I opted to sit on the porch and read in peace. I was also hoping to waste time until Kyou returned.

I stood to leave the room, excusing myself to the porch. Shigure chided me for being a pervert, winking at me as he happily announced that _'Haru is an exhibitionist!'. A_s I left the room, I could hear him mumbling to himself how that would make wonderful material and that his next book would be a work of genius, a _'literary masterpiece'_. I shook my head and moved away from the sliding door, taking a seat on the porch out of the line of sight of my cousins. I leaned my back against the wall and scanned the back yard. I was hoping to see Kyou slip out of the trees, but I was disappointed with an empty yard. I worried that I had done the wrong thing, leaving him alone I the woods. He was in a mood for talk, company. I sighed. It was not often that Kyou shared anything so private with anyone, and even rarer that he shared it with me. I felt a weight settle down on my heart and glanced again at the tree line.

I couldn't seem to concentrate on the book in my hands long enough to even grasp the nearly plot-less story. I stared at the words, willing myself to concentrate on something other than Kyou, but could not tear my mind from my crimson-eyed cousin. My eyes lingered on the pages, staring blindly at them, my vision turned inward. He'd opened up; I'd rubbed a spot smooth on his rough surface, even if only for a moment. Perhaps the scarred surface had simply stretched and re-grown over that spot, but it had happened nonetheless. I leaned my head back against the wall, the back of my skill thumping onto the wood, and closed my eyes. In my head, I could see him staring at me, his eyes locked with mine as he begged for an answer to his trouble. I could not show him the way out of hell, I was trapped there myself. I had to admit, that despite our similar situation, he had it much worse. People more easily accepted my 'Black' personality. They did not place the full weight of the curse on me for my demon; they didn't blame me for the monsters that we all were. No, they already had someone to blame for that.

It was odd to think about it. Kyo and I. Both monsters of the same breed, and yet, a different one at the same time. When it came to blame, I am never directly noted as the cause. They separate 'Black' Haru and I. We are two different people in their eyes. And they are right. We could be no more different than if we truly were two separate people, but the fact remains that we are one and the same. He is someone that shares my every thought, my every action, despite that he is a different personality. We are both one-half of a whole. Still, they accept me, in their own way. Of course, all we cursed Sohma are outcasts, but none so much as Kyou. It's unfair, and the understanding of that aspect angered me. While my monster was created, and there is blame to be laid on me, as well as others, Kyou's monster was not something that could have been avoided. He was born with it, born into it. Like myself, Kyou and his monster are both completely him, and yet, somehow, it still remains apart from him. Unaccepted, unloved, and because of this, he suffered the same fate... and there seemed to be nothing that could change that.

I turned back to the book, hoping to lose myself in Shigure's nonsense. I focused my eyes in the dimming light and forced myself to comprehend the words on the paper. I turned page after page, unable to process what I read. My eyes scanned past each word and forgot it as soon as it was recognized. I sighed to myself and willed my mind into the present. There was no use lamenting one's lot in life, no use wasting time pondering over it and dragging one's self down into such pain.

"Here." I was startled by Kyou's voice. I looked up from Shigure's book to see Kyou standing at the edge of the porch. His face was eyelevel. "Take it." He demanded, reaching out his hand to me. I held out my palm and he dropped my stone into it. I stared at it a moment before looking up at him in confusion.

"You found it for me." I stated the obvious. Kyou snorted.

"No, I pulled an identical one out of my ass!" He shouted at me, sarcastic. "I thought you _liked_ it." He mocked me. "If you don't want it I'll be happy to throw the damn thing back into the woods!" He offered angrily.

"No. I'm glad you found it. Thank you, Kyou." I closed my fist around the stone. It was warm to the touch. I wondered how long ago he had found it, how long he'd held it. I smiled as I imagined Kyou sitting along the side of the trail, staring at the rock, cursing at it as if it were to blame for whatever anger had taken hold of him.

"What are you smiling about, you stupid cow?" He was embarrassed. Returning the rock had been a form of apology.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." I inclined my head to Kyou and then returned to my book. I pretended to read as I watched Kyou in my peripheral vision. He stood at the edge of the porch, angrily shifting from one foot to the other. He still wanted company. I tried not to smile.

"What the hell are you reading, anyway?" He tried to sound uninterested, but his insecurity bled into his voice and it came off rude.

"It's called 'Lily of the Water'." The title had nothing to do with the story, I realized. I shrugged at Kyou and handed him the book as I looked up at him. He took the book from my hand, and flipped over to the cover.

"Shigure." His voice was unamused. "How'd that pervert con you into reading his filth?" He tossed the book to the porch and climbed up to take a seat. I shrugged.

"I didn't have anything else to do." I paused, thinking. "I kind of like it." Kyou looked at me in shocked disgust, but said nothing. "Besides, you weren't here." Kyou snorted.

"What does that have to do with anything?" He was almost grumbling.

"Well, Yuki isn't exactly the most animated conversationalist. I don't really know Tohru well enough to have much to talk to her about." I ticked off the reasons. "And Shigure..." I left off, knowing he would understand what I meant.

"So, I'm all that's left." His voice was flat.

"Ah, that's true, but it's not the reason." I smiled at him.

"Whatever." Kyou leaned back against the wood post that held the porch's overhanging roof aloft and sighed, turning his face away from me.

"I enjoy your company, Kyou." I nodded at him, but he didn't see the action. "Don't you enjoy mine?" I raised an eyebrow and smiled crookedly at him. He turned to face me.

"No, you stupid cow!" I'd embarrassed him and he reacted in the only way he knew how. Insults.

"I see." I frowned at him, lifted the book from the porch and moved to stand, to leave him again.

"Damnit all!" Kyou rose with me to stand on the porch. His frustration was akin to panic. I turned away from him. "Wait a minute!" He demanded.

"Why? You don't enjoy my company. I won't force you to suffer it any longer." I smiled at him and bowed my head.

"I... I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it, okay?" He stammered his apology, blushing, angry. I turned back toward him and took my seat on the porch again, crossing my legs before me.

"You shouldn't say things you don't mean, you know." I smirked at him. I was amused.

"Stupid cow." He mumbled it under his breath. I smiled brighter.

I watched as the blush faded from Kyou's face and he returned to his seat at the edge of the porch. I was surprised Kyou was fighting so hard to swallow his anger and embarrassment. I found myself proud of him, of his progress. Kyou scratched at the wood of the porch with his fingernail and I watched his slim fingers retrace the mark, scoring it deeper with each pass. His countenance had relaxed, the angry mask having slipped away, and to me, he seemed almost peaceful. A bolt of lightning cracked through the sky suddenly, and both Kyou and I jumped at the boom of thunder that followed. Kyou immediately attempted to cover his surprise by climbing up on the porch to stand with his back against the wall. I smiled at him and leaned to look up at the sky. There were no obvious clouds, and I doubted it would rain anytime soon.

The sun sank further below the horizon and the sky took on a reddish hue. I smiled to myself, and turned to look over at Kyou. He was still leaning against the wall, glaring out at nature threateningly. It was as if he were daring the weather to turn foul, as if it would heed his mood and decide against it. The red-orange blaze of early evening lit his skin and hair, and I imagined he was made of fire. It suited him beautifully. I laughed to myself and he threw his glaring gaze toward me. I expected him to ask me what I was smiling at but he only glowered at me. He looked down at his hand, held it out in the light and inspected the glow critically, before staring out at the sunset. He turned back to me and mockingly returned my small smile.

"I suppose the fucking sunset reminds you of me too. It's _'all my colors'_ right?" His words were as mocking as his previous smile. I cocked my head at him.

"Yes. It does." My smile slipped away. I worried that I had done something wrong in agreeing.

"Stupid cow." He rolled his eyes. "I'm going inside." Kyou pushed himself away from the wall, turned on his heel and walked into the house. I stood there a moment, contemplating whether I should remain outside, or go back into the house. I wasn't sure if the fiery cat would let me join him, and I was uninterested in settling in with Shigure, Yuki, and Tohru.

"Are you coming or not?" I turned my head to see Kyou leaning back out the door of the house, his face impatient. I scrunched my brows in confusion before nodding to him and following him into the house.

Kyou led me upstairs to his room and flopped down on his futon. Obviously he hadn't bothered to put it away that morning. I didn't blame him, I never bothered to put my own away. I stared at him from his doorway as he lounged on his bed, arm flung over his eyes. I was unsure what exactly to do, unsure why exactly Kyou had invited me to his room in the first place. Kyou rolled his head in my direction, moving his arm away from his face.

"What are you just standing there for, idiot?" Kyou asked. I shrugged at him. I realized that that had become a habit of sorts; quite often I'd found myself shrugging at Kyou's ridiculous questions. I walked further into the room, closing the door behind me before returning my gaze to the cat sprawled on the futon. "I figured if you were going to read something, you might as well read something decent." He nodded to himself, his reasoning clarifying our trip to his room. He waved his hand toward his bookshelf. "Pick something out. You're not reading that filth in here." I followed Kyou's line of sight to the book clutched in my right hand.

"Thank you." I set Shigure's book on the floor and pulled the first interesting title I found from the shelf.

I slid to the floor, leaning against the bookshelf and opened the book. Kyou snatched something from beneath his pillow and I looked up, curious. He'd pulled a book from his bedding and had leaned back against the wall to read. He glanced up at me with a glare and I quickly looked away, turning my eyes to my book. When, from the corner of my eye, I saw him look away, I lifted my gaze to watch him once more. He opened the book almost gently and took out his place marker. He set the bookmark to the side carefully and locked his eyes to the pages of his novel. I strained to see what his bookmark was; it had seemed familiar somehow. I shifted as nonchalantly as possible, leaning to get a better look. My eyes picked it out clearly. It's reddish color spread unevenly across the surface, veins of greenish brown threading up from the bottom faintly, to blend and fade smoothly into the dominant color of autumn. It was the leaf I had left Kyou on the table so many nights ago.

...

A/N: I'm reaching the point of writers block. I know the ending was pretty damn predictable, but it can't be helped. Again, I'm not particularly happy with this chapter, but hopefully it's better than the last. Like I've said... pov is hard to write. Especially Haru. To me, his character has so much going on in his head. And I lose track so easily. There is no comparison to the difficulties of writing 'Black' Haru. At least, for me that is. Either way, I suppose this is a learning experience for me. Maybe one day, I'll be a great writer. Heh. I pray! Practice, practice, practice, no?

2: Again, thanks to all who read and commented! I guess I got this chapter out pretty fast. Headaches and a vehement hate of sleep works wonders, I suppose.


	5. Chapter 4: Skinning the Cat

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Fruits Basket or anything pertaining to the manga or anime. The characters, places, etc... are not mine, nor do I lay any claim on them. This is not an attempt to infringe on any rights or copyrights, as this is purely for entertainment.

Authors Note: This is the fourth chapter. Obviously. Once again, _please_ inform me of any mistakes! I have no beta, as I edit my own garbage, so I appreciate any help one can give me. I don't fear criticism, nor do I take it personally, even when someone is being personal. I'm afraid I'm a far more cruel critic of my own work than anyone else could be. Also, I span the story's timeline, skipping over miniscule details and slowly growing familiarity between characters, a little too blatantly, I'm afraid. I usually enjoy the little things, the day-to-day confrontation and the shyness and uncomfortable moments characters share. However, I seem to be leaving quite a bit of that out. Oh well, it reduces the chance for 'wind'. Grin Also, as I have not yet written a single word of this chapter while I write this note, please forgive me if it comes out rather 'blah'... I have no ideas for this piece yet. I figure I'll just start writing.

Title: 'Autumn'

Author: Evie Gunn

Rating: R rated for language and adult/sexual situations

Series: Fruits Basket

Pairings: Haru x Kyou

Genre: ?

Archive: If you like... just tell me where. I'm inclined to be a pessimist, so I doubt anyone would want to, but hey...

...

**Autumn**

Chapter 4: Skinning the Cat

I dreamed of him. Perhaps it was because of the season. Autumn seemed to recall so much emotion, so many memories, driving me into a nostalgia for the closeness I'd been bereft of for so long. Though, I'll admit, the simple friendship of childhood no longer appealed to me. It was not enough, not as consuming as I desired presently. And now, I had hope. An ugly little word, for an even uglier sense. Hope always taunted one into some fantasy before peeling back its mask and revealing it's true face. A laughing little goblin named regret. It had other names too; pain, disillusionment, disappointment... reality. Yet, I couldn't help but hope. I couldn't help but see that glittering little fluff of potential happiness; couldn't help but hold onto it and squeeze it like a child embraces a favorite toy. I could hear that past echo of hurt in its giggle, but there was always that chance. And I could never allow a chance to slip past unchallenged.

I threw my arm over my eyes, hiding the crumbling canopy from my sight. Light washed in through my window to slice brilliant lines across my face and chest, peeking in brightly from the blinds. I could still feel the dream warming me, despite the chill that had settled in on my bare skin. Throwing the covers off my warm body, I sat up to rub the sleep from my face. I remembered why I hate sleep. My back hurt from the lack of movement; my head ached, still groggy with sleep and the remnants of dream. I sighed to myself as I ran my hands through my hair, and tried to figure what time it was. My clocks vivid red numbers flashed midnight, and I rolled my eyes, agitated. I wondered if the power had gone out in the night, resetting my clock to the infinite moment of the 'witching hour'.

I dressed quickly, and began a pointless wandering of Sohma Estate, following the stone paths that wove their way across the grounds. The air was growing more chilly each passing day, the light of the sun dimming in preparation for a quieter season of cold and hibernation. The trees near the gate were stripping themselves bare of leaves, and I stared at the twisted branches as they clawed against the pale sky. I wondered what exactly they were reaching for. Perhaps they were trying in vain to pull the sun closer, grappling for the warmth of the past. I suppose, metaphorically, I was trying to do the same thing. Each day I found myself confronting my fiery cousin in an attempt to pull him closer, trying to glean some sort of warm comfort from him. If he was fall, I was winter. He held that last remaining warmth of the sun and those passionate colors of autumn, while I was the chilly bare winter, pale and quiet and reaching out toward the past.

Over the past two weeks, I'd spent nearly every day with Kyou. He'd grudgingly grown comfortable with my presence. We'd had few conversations, and yet, it felt as if I'd asked a thousand questions, and his voice had filled me with a thousand answers. I couldn't help but enjoy even the insults that fell from his lips. I enjoyed them, because, they were for me. Twice, we'd fought some pathetic battle of wills, him having drawn out my demon to contest with. I think, perhaps, even 'he' felt the tentative stability of the thin threads that connected Kyou and I, biting back, holding 'his' tongue and refusing to damage the camaraderie between us. I could feel, even now, my demons desire to release some of that pent up regret. That part of me had never betrayed Kyou and 'he' wanted to tell him. It would be too much, too soon though. 'Black' Haru was too loose with his words, and his aggression, his candor could be damaging. It was odd to think of my 'black' personality that way, a 'he', a 'him'... a separate part; but I couldn't help it.

I slipped past the gate and began my confusing trek towards Shigure's. I had come to be expected at the dog's house, a regular part of their daily life, less of a guest, and more of an addition to their small and separate family unit. My boots clicked on the pavement with each step and I glanced down to watch my feet. The dark asphalt seemed to rush backward beneath me and I smiled to myself at the simplicity that had momentarily fascinated me. A dazed mind's interest in the mundane. When I looked up again, I realized that I recognized the area, and glancing to the left, I saw that barely noticeable opening to Kyou's path in the woods. I frowned, wondering how I could so easily remember such an obscure thing, before shrugging to myself and crossing the street. The path was cluttered, and leaves littered the ground more thickly, but the trail was still noticeable. I decided to follow it to Shigure's, hoping again, that I did not lose my way.

The shade of the trees made the forest cooler, but it was a comforting cold, and I enjoyed the crisp freshness and the earthy smell that attacked me as I made my way through the woods. The rhythm of my steps was accompanied by the percussion of dry flora crunching beneath my boots, and soon I lost myself in the sounds. The chirping vocals of birds, and the flooding whine of insects was a pleasant distraction as I wandered, and I easily lost track of time once again. It felt like only moments had gone by when I came to the edge of the woods, my eyes catching on red-gold hair and tanned skin. Kyou was exercising in the back yard, each familiar move performed expertly as the cat's martial arts training came into play. I stopped my progress and watched him for a minute, unthinking. My eyes were somewhat enchanted by his movement, unable to look away. I leaned to the side, resting my shoulder against the rough bark of a tree, and waited, wondering if his keen senses would catch me anytime soon.

"Hatsuharu!" I heard my name shouted, the happy lilt revealing it to be Shigure's voice. I watched as Kyou spun in the direction of the voice, nearly as confused and shocked as I was. Shigure padded out of the open door of his study, arms thrown wide as his face beamed a smile in my direction. I frowned at him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kyou's exasperated voiced didn't faze the older man.

"Ha-ru, you shouldn't spy on Kyou from the woods. I know much better place to do that." Shigure's happy announcement made me uncomfortable, and yet, strangely curious.

"Stupid pervert!" Kyou shouted angrily, spinning in my direction at last to glare at me. "And you!" He pointed at me. "What the hell are _you _doing?" I shrugged and crossed the yard, nodding my greetings to both Kyou and Shigure.

"Ha-ru, have you finished my book yet?" Shigure asked, trying to appear nonchalant. I shook my head, and Shigure's smile faded. I hadn't read anymore than I had that night weeks ago, and wondered idly what exactly was so special about that book that he made such a big deal over it. "Ah, well..."

"I'm sorry, Shigure." I offered. "I'll read it tonight." The dog's face brightened and he clapped before spinning away and disappearing into his study. I was left alone with Kyou in the back yard. I shook my head at Shigure's strangeness.

"What are you doing here?" Kyou walked over to the porch and took a seat, snatching up a towel to wipe away the sweat that beaded on his face and neck. I followed him and took a seat next to him. "Don't sit so close!" Kyou spat, scooting away from me. I chuckled at him.

"I come over every day, Kyou." I offered.

"I know that! But _why_?" Kyou rolled his eyes at me and tossed the towel away.

"I don't know." I smiled. "I like being with you." He narrowed his eyes at me and snorted.

"Stupid cow." Kyou pushed his hair back, running his fingers through the sweaty strands in an attempt to prevent it from hanging into his eyes. It fell back into place and he attempted to blow it out of the way in agitation. The gesture was oddly attractive, and I smiled at him. "It's too early in the day to have to deal with you." He didn't look at me as he commented.

"Is that so?" Despite it all, Kyou seemed to be in a good mood. I wondered briefly why that was, but decided it didn't matter.

"You make me tired." Kyou sighed and lay back on the porch, closing his eyes.

"You know..." I glanced out at the yard. "I had a dream about you." I mentioned it absently, figuring he wasn't paying much attention. For a long while, that seemed to be the case. Kyou lay there silently, and I thought perhaps he was taking a 'cat nap'.

"Yeah, so what?" His voice was sleepy and agitated. I turned to look at him and raised one eyebrow. Was that some semblance of interest I heard, or was it my imagination?

"Yes." I frowned.

"Well, what was it about?" He snapped, throwing his arm over his eyes.

"Ah, I don't exactly remember." I lied. I remembered the dream vividly, but I was sure he wouldn't want to hear it.

"Then what was the point of mentioning it, you idiot?" Kyou sat up and glared at me. "I'm going inside to change." He plucked at the front of his sweaty shirt and stood up. I nodded at him, leaned my shoulder against the porch beam and turned my eyes back to the yard.

Kyou's footsteps faded and the sound of rustling leaves, stirred by the sudden breeze, filled the quiet of the late morning. I watched as the grass bowed to the wind and the dry brush tumbled in colorful patterns across the ground; my thoughts turned inward. I could still remember the way Kyou's skin had felt, how warm and smooth it had been beneath my fingers. I could still taste his breath, a lingering sweetness that reminded me of sugared tea. His lips had been soft, giving under the pressure of my own, and his growl low, uncomfortable. My shoulders ached suddenly, mocking the soft pain Kyou's fingers had left in the dream as he gripped my upper arms, pulling and pushing at the same time. My breath hitched at the memory, a fantasy I wish was truth, instead of a lingering subconscious cry for the feel of Kyou. I laughed to myself how out of character my dream had seemed, how sickeningly romantic it had been. Unrealistic. I shrugged to myself, drawing myself back to reality.

I lay back on the porch, the wood pressing uncomfortably against my shoulder blades. I could hear footsteps on the stairs inside the house, and the faint sounds of Shigure mumbling to himself drifting out from the open door of his study. I closed my eyes and waited, hoping Kyou would return soon. I smiled to myself, my tongue passing over my dry lips to moisten them, as I thought of forcing that dream into reality. I imagined the shocked look on Kyou's face should I put into action my desire to taste him. I laughed to myself as I thought of the pain that would follow, his fist would no doubt find my body softly receiving the blow, before his curses punctuated his despise and he fled the scene. I frowned. I didn't want him to run from me.

"Are you asleep or something?" Kyou's voice startled me, but I didn't move. I heard him sigh before he took a seat on the porch next to me. "What's the point of visiting someone if you're just going to fall asleep on the fucking porch?" He was grumbling to himself. I wanted to smile. It seemed as if, perhaps, he was disappointed that I was not 'awake' to spend time with him. I waited.

"You look even stupider when your asleep, you know?" He was talking to me, but not _to_ me. "Well, not that stupid..." He grudgingly admitted. "Why am I talking to you, anyway? You're asleep. Stupid cow." He sighed. I again had to fight the urge to smile.

I was surprised when I felt his hand push against my arm. I wondered if he was trying to wake me. I decided to 'play dead', so to speak. A moment later, his hand shoved me again. He mumbled something I didn't quite hear and I heard the sound of cloth sliding over wood. He was moving closer to me. My heart sped up and I hoped it wasn't something he would notice. After a pause, he scooted even closer and I could faintly feel the warmth radiating from him. Kyou called my name softly. I didn't respond. After what felt like forever, he again called my name, louder, and I realized his voice was closer to me. I desperately wanted to open my eyes and look at him, see what he was doing, trace the expression on his face, but I fought the urge, curious as to what his next move would be.

Time passed and I felt myself truly drifting toward sleep. Kyou had simply sat quietly next to me, and I imagined him contemplating his own actions. I prayed silently that the situation would reveal itself to be something more than idle curiosity or boredom. I prayed that this was a good sign, that Kyou had some sort of feelings akin to mine. My back was starting to ache, my bones sore from pressing into the hard porch, and I was nearly ready to give up the game and return to the 'waking' world when I felt Kyou's fingers gently touch my hair. My breath hitched suddenly, and I battled to control it. I concentrated on breathing slowly, normally, as if in sleep, but my mind was racing. His fingers left my hair and I nearly sighed. Seconds later, his fingers returned, again tenderly stroking my messy hair. Slowly, he grew bolder and I felt him twisting the strands about his fingers, testing the texture.

"It's soft." I heard him whisper. I supposed he imagined my hair to be wiry or stiff like a cows fur. He ran his fingers through my hair once more, his nails gently drawing over my scalp, and I couldn't stop the sigh that escaped my lips. He jerked his hand away and cursed. I lay there quietly. "Stupid cow." He growled the words. I had startled him.

"It feels good. Do it more, eh?" I mumbled sleepily. I heard him scoot away from me and I cracked open an eye, turning towards him. His face was flushed red and he looked both angry and embarrassed.

"Wha... What are you talking about?" He stuttered as he spoke, words rude and angry. I stretched my arms out above my head, arching my back against the porch. He watched me rather intently.

"When did you get back?" I asked, smiling at him as I lay there. I figured I'd give him a cover for his embarrassment.

"Just now!" He barked. "I was just about to kick you for falling asleep." I didn't mention that he was sitting and it would be odd to kick me from that position.

"Ahh. I dreamed you were petting my hair." I smiled at him and linked my fingers over my chest. I watched his face as he blushed again.

"That's disgusting. Why would I want to touch your greasy hair?" He asked, twisting his face into denial. I laughed at him and reached up to run my fingers through my hair.

"It's not greasy." I frowned, crossing my eyes and looking up toward my brow.

"Why would I care?" I turned in time to see him cross his arms over his chest. He was still answering with anger, ineffectively covering his emotions in a cloud of abrasiveness.

"Go for a walk with me?" I asked the question as I sat up.

"Go for a walk by yourself." Kyou huffed. I let out a small puff of laughter and his eyes snapped to mine, narrowing with agitation.

"I'll get lost if I go by myself." I explained.

"You didn't get _lost_ coming here!" He looked mildly amazed by that fact even as he used it as an excuse to refrain from accompanying me.

"True. But I'm unsure I can manage that again." I shrugged and hopped down from the porch. I yawned and stretched again, sighing in pleasure when my back popped loudly. I looked back over my shoulder at him and gave him a crooked smile. "Well, I suppose it can be another learning experience for me..." I turned away from him and began walking.

"Fine!" Kyou gave in. I grinned to myself. I knew I was wearing him down, rubbing some of the rough spots away. Only a short time ago he would have allowed me to get lost by myself.

"Thanks." I offered, hiding away my smile as he appeared at my side.

"I'm not going because I want to." I doubted that it was the whole truth, but didn't voice it.

"Through the woods?" I asked.

"Whatever. Why should I care? Go where you want." He tried to sound bored. I had the feeling he was attempting to curb the rudeness.

We slipped into the woods at the back of the yard, following that same trail that had led me to Shigure's twice already. The path was almost too narrow for two people to walk side by side, but Kyou wouldn't allow me to lead, instead squeezing in beside me. I smiled to myself; enjoying each time his shoulder brushed mine. The walk was slow and uneventful, aside from Kyou's grumbling disapproval as branches snagged his arm and shirt as we followed the path deeper into the woods. A particularly narrow stretch of the path forced Kyou to move ahead of me, and I watched him in amusement as he squeezed his way through the underbrush.

"Aww, Fuck!" Kyou's shout drew my attention as I followed him through the tight spot. He jerked himself through the to the clearing on the other side and stopped.

"What happened?" I asked him, stepping into the clearing beyond the tangle of branches.

"This!" He spat angrily, pulling on his shirt. A thick vine of thorny bramble had attached itself to Kyou's shirt near the collar, wrapping itself over his shoulder. It was digging itself into his skin as he pulled on it, the thorns drawing blood. The other end of the long bramble was loosely twisted into the hair that hung at the back of his neck, and his tugging was only making it worse. "God damnit!" He cursed and pulled at it again.

"Here, stop. Let me help." I offered. He glowered at me, batting my hands away as I reached for him.

"I don't need any help from a stupid cow." He growled, trying vainly to pull the briar away.

"Looks to me like you do." I frowned at him. His attempts were only tearing his skin and causing him to curse.

"No, I don't!" Kyou snorted. I watched as he tried to pull his shirt off. He tugged the cloth over his head, successfully tangling the briar in his hair. I laughed as the shirt hung in front of his face, held fast by the thorns tangled in both it and his hair. He pulled on the shirt. "Ow! Fuck!" He shouted.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" I grinned at him. Kyou stomped his foot and cursed, ready to deny his need for help when he pulled on it again. His shoulders slumped and he let go of the shirt, allowing his hands to fall at his sides.

"Get this thing loose!" He demanded. I moved closer to him and reached for the bramble that was tangled in his hair. It was stuck rather soundly, so I decided to untangle it from his shirt first. I pried the cloth away from the clawed thorns, piece by piece, until I freed the shirt. I caught it before it fell and threw it over my shoulder. Kyou glowered at me.

"Almost done." I inclined my head at him and reached for his hair. Kyou folded his arms over his chest, rubbing his hands over his arms to ward of the chill. I smiled absently at him.

"Just hurry up!" He demanded, sighing in agitation. I fought with the thorny vine, unable to reach it properly from that angle.

"Look down some." I put my hands on either side of his head and urged him to look down. The briar was tangled in the top of his hair and, as I was not much taller than him, I couldn't quite see it well enough to untangle it. I leaned closer, my face near his, and squinted at the mess.

"Stop breathing in my ear." His voice was almost whiney. I snorted. As the blast of breath hit Kyou's ear, he shivered. My heart sped up at the realization, and in my momentary distraction, a thorn bit into my finger.

"Damnit." I hissed, pushing my bleeding finger into my mouth. I backed up and looked around. "We're going to have to sit down. I can't get it free from this angle." Kyou was frowning, but nodded his understanding. I noticed a fallen log on the edge of the trail and wandered over, taking a seat. "Here, sit down on the ground in front of me." I spread my knees to make room for him and pointed to the ground.

"No way! There's no way I'm sitting _there_!" His face flushed and he crossed his arms stubbornly, shaking his head.

"Huh? What's wrong with it? It gives me the perfect angle to see the vine and get it free." I looked down at the space between my legs and frowned. Then it dawned on me how intimate the position was. I smiled up at him. "Come on Kyou. You want to walk around with that tangled in your hair all day?" I motioned to the briar twisted in his red-gold locks. He glared at me.

Kyou tugged again at the bramble, his face scrunching in pain as it pulled his hair and dug into his scalp. After a few more tries he sighed and turned to glare at me again. He narrowed his eyes at me and walked over to where I was pointing, taking a seat between my knees. He kept as much distance between us as possible, his arms crossed defensively over his chest. I reached out to his head and tilted it back, inspecting the tangle. As I tilted his head further, I forced him to lean back; much farther than he could poise without compensation. Kyou threw his arms out, catching himself as he lost his balance.

"Hey!" He shouted, pulling himself free of my grasp. Kyou turned to glower at me for a moment before scooting back closer to me. I once again took his head in my hands and leaned it back.

"That's a little better, but it would help if you were closer to me." I explained. He refused to budge, again folding his arms over his stomach, his back bowed to me. His spine showed through his skin, creating a path from the back of his neck down to disappear into the waist of his pants. I noticed how his ribs poked out and absently counted them with my eyes. "If you won't back up anymore, be prepared to balance yourself." I said, tilting his head further and pulling him toward me gently.

"Damnit." Kyou grumbled, and threw his arms up again. He rested his elbows on my knees, his hands dangling out to either side of us, and tried to relax, allowing me to force him to lean back.

"It's stuck pretty badly." I observed quietly. He grunted and closed his eyes as I began untangling the briar gently. I pulled on the vine and loosed the hair from each barbed thorn. I was deliberately working as slowly as possible, enjoying the feel of Kyou's hair, the warmth of his arms pressed on my legs.

"Aren't you done yet?" Kyou's voice was almost lazy. I smiled at the thought of him enjoying my ministrations. He scooted back almost unconsciously, draping his arms more casually over my legs, propping himself up using both his upper arms and his wrists, his hands facing inward toward his body. I drew my knees closer to his body, closing in on him. He didn't notice.

"It's half free now." I explained, snapping off the part of the vine I had loosed from his locks.

The rest of the vine seemed less inclined to hold onto his hair so viciously and began to come away more easily. I worked slowly, still attempting to prolong the situation. Kyou sighed as I twisted his hair in my fingers and his face relaxed. I looked down on him from above, imagining what it would be like to kiss him from the odd angle. Chuckling silently, I shook my head and banished the thought. The vine came free and I tossed it away. My hands, however, remained in his hair as if they were still working. I pulled my fingers through his locks, releasing the knots the briars had created. Eventually, his hair was smooth and free of tangles, my fingers effortlessly slipping through his hair without snagging. Kyou's breath had slowed and a slight smile rested on his lips. I brushed his hair again, my nails gliding over his scalp.

"I'm finished." My voice was quiet. I continued to pet his hair.

"Already?" His question was somewhat breathy and I raised my eyebrows. I pulled his hair back away from his forehead, allowing it to slip through my grasp and fall back into place. Kyou sighed almost silently and leaned back slightly. I wondered if the cat in him had forced him to submit to the attention.

"Kyou?" I called his name in question. I didn't want to break contact with him, but knew it was inevitable.

"Hmm?" His voice drifted out almost like a purr. I pulled his bangs away again, repeating my earlier action. He _was_ enjoying it. I smiled.

"Kyou, did you hear me?" I stroked his hair again. "I'm finished. The briar is gone." His eyes shot open as I ran my fingers through his hair again. He sat up quickly, pushing himself away from me. His face darkened in a blush as he turned to look at me.

"Stupid cow. I thought you'd never finish!" He turned away from me to stare at the forest. "How long does it take to untangle a damn vine anyway?" I grinned at him.

"Not long, really. But you seemed to be enjoying my fingers in your hair, so..." I shrugged, letting my voice drift off. His head spun and he shot me a scowl.

"You mean you just sat there and fucking played with my hair the whole time?" He asked, indignant.

"Not the whole time." I placed my hands to either side of me and gripped the log. "Just the past five minutes or so." I looked down at the ground between my legs before stretching them out before me. I leaned back slightly and looked up at Kyou. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"You had this all planned, you pervert." I frowned at him. He didn't exactly sound offended.

"Yes, Kyou. I planned it all." I rolled my eyes and stared seriously at my cousin. "On my way to Shigure's, I stopped and asked that briar, to tangle, specifically, into your hair, should we pass. It was a great detailed plan to get you to take off your shirt and sit between my legs so I could play in your hair." I waved my hand dramatically. "Only, you found me out! Now that you know, there's no hope to execute the rest, in which I planned to..." He interrupted me.

"Idiot!" He shouted it at me. "That's not what I meant, you pervert!" I laughed at him and he spun around, turning his back to me. I sat forward and pulled his shirt from over my shoulder, draping it over my hands. I thought of hiding it somewhere. I was rather enjoying staring at a shirtless Kyou, but it was a bit chilly out, and I didn't want him to catch cold.

"Are you just going to stand there, angrily ignoring me?" Kyou snorted and turned around to stare at me.

"Give me my shirt, you asshole!" He demanded, his hand reaching out, palm open, expecting me to bring it to him. I narrowed my eyes. I could feel myself slipping, darkness dizzying me. My heart sped up. It was such a smooth transition, so easy. So unlike the crackling, anger fueled bursts that set me free most other times. I chuckled quietly to myself.

"What if I say no?" I asked. His eyes widened and I smirked at him.

"Give it back, Haru." He stepped closer to me, hand still outstretched.

"No. I like you without a shirt." I smiled crookedly at him, tilting my head. I ran my eyes over his chest. He blushed again. I rather enjoyed all the blushing Kyou was doing lately and said as much. "Shyness suits you. It's rather sexy." His breath hitched and his blush deepened.

"Wha... You... Stop looking at me!" Kyou stuttered bashfully, embarrassment staining his voice in the absence of anger.

"I can't help it. There isn't much else to look at, and besides, even if there were, I'd rather look at you, anyway." I licked my lips slowly, making sure he was watching me.

"Sh... Shirt!" Kyou demanded, unable to form a complete sentence in his discomfiture. I smiled lewdly, baring my teeth, and stood, stepping closer to him. I traced his figure with my eyes.

"Don't I even get a thank you for getting that briar out of your hair?" I shrugged as I handed Kyou his shirt. He held the shirt loosely, staring at the ground.

"Thank you." His voice was low. I smiled at him and reached to tilt his head up to face me. His eyes were dark, his pupils dilated. He was pliable and submissive, exactly how I wanted him.

"Your welcome, kitten." I winked at him. He sucked in his breath, but said nothing. "So shy." I hissed.

I drew my free hand up to his side, my fingers gliding over his ribs as my hand traveled upward. When I reached his collar, I slid my hand over his shoulder and to the back of his neck, slipping my fingers into his red-gold locks. His skin was warm beneath his hair, and my cold fingers pressed gently against his scalp. He trembled and I watched as chill bumps raced over his skin. He was biting his lip, eyes closed. The shirt fell from his loose grasp to join the leaves on the forest floor. I looked down to his hands, they were fisted. I let go of his chin and gripped his hair with the hand tangled in his locks, pulling his head back gently. My free hand slipped lazily down his arm and, once again, he shivered. I raised an eyebrow and wrapped my hand about his wrist, drawing his hand up to my waist. His fingers spread, unclenching to flatten against my side. I felt his other hand move to rest at my other hip and smirked. The kitten was enjoying this.

"That's right, kitten. Give in. You know you want to." Kyou squeezed his eyes tight. He was trying to deny it, I knew. I released his wrist and returned my hand to his face, my palm pressing to his cheek, and stroked his ear with my fingers. I leaned my face closer to him, mingling our breath. "What now, kitten?" My voice was low, I was amused.

"St... Stop." I grinned at his weak demand.

I licked my lips again before pressing them to his. He went rigid in my grasp, his hands tightening their grip on my waist. I smiled into the kiss, pressing harder against his lips, using my tongue to force them apart. His jaw was clenched. I let go of his cheek and dropped my hand to his hip, gripping his thin frame tightly and pulling his body to meet me. His warm stomach pressed to mine and I growled deep in my throat. I flattened my hand against the back of his head and nipped at his lip with my teeth. I heard his breath suck in and immediately used it to my advantage, slipping my tongue into his mouth. For a moment Kyou failed to respond, but slowly, he began to return the kiss. I closed my eyes and fought harder with him, trying to draw the breath from him. My fingers slid against his hip, and I found the waistband of his pants, and tucked my fingers beneath the cloth, meeting warm tender skin beneath.

Kyou's eyes shot open and I felt his fingers digging into my sides. In an instant he was again drawing himself inward, shoving me away with all the strength he could muster. I sprawled out on my back on the ground and looked up at him from the dirt. I sat up, resting on my elbows, and bent one leg up for balance. I winked at Kyou. His face was red and he was bowed in defense. He stared at me a moment, seething with anger and embarrassment. I bit my lip and smiled at him crookedly.

"What's wrong, kitten?" I asked. I was amused by his violence.

"What the fuck do you think your doing?" He shouted. "And don't call me that!" I laughed.

"I was just giving you what you wanted." I explained, admiring the look of an angry Kyou.

"Fucking bastard!" He spat. "I think I'm going to be sick!" He wiped at his mouth.

"Oh? You seemed to be enjoying it only a moment ago." I pushed myself up from the ground and dusted myself off.

"I wasn't enjoying it!" He denied. I stepped closer to him and he clenched his fists.

"Going to hurt me now, kitten?" I asked, gesturing to his fists.

"Come any closer and I'll kill you!" He promised. He was shaking slightly, and I took pleasure in his discomfort. Shame is such a wondrous thing.

"You've already killed me." I commented, taking another step toward him.

"What are you talking about?" He demanded, raising his fists.

"Ah, never mind that. How about we pick up where we left off?" I offered, advancing. He took a step back. I'd expected him to swing.

"Pervert!" He accused.

"What's wrong with being a pervert?" I asked as I backed him against a tree.

"Si... Sickening!" His voice was quiet and his eyes were wide. I leaned closer to him.

"Come now, kitten. Relax." He tensed at my words. "I'm sure I can change your mind." I smiled at him.

"Never." His voice was low, unsteady.

"Let me teach you a few things." I drew my hand up to his side again, my fingers dancing over his skin. He trembled coyly, timidly.

"Don't..." He warned. I knew he didn't mean it. I relished the uncertainty, the fear. I dragged my fingers across his skin roughly. His fist shot up and connected harshly with the side of my head.

I stumbled, dazedly, to the side. The side of my head ached and I pressed my hand to my temple expecting to find the warm stickiness of blood. Absently, I wondered what exactly I had done to deserve such a punch. I blinked my eyes rapidly and stood up straight, glancing around. I realized I must have blacked out. The last thing I remembered was sitting on the log teasing my fiery cousin. Off to the side, I saw Kyou pulling his shirt over his head. He was mumbling to himself, flushed with the redness of anger or embarrassment. I frowned as I inspected my fingers for traces of blood. I found none. As the pain subsided, I turned to face Kyou. He was staring at me, but would not meet my eyes. My heart sank. I prayed I had done nothing to push him away, hoped I'd done nothing to hurt him.

"Come on." Kyou demanded. He turned away from me and began to follow the trail back in the direction we had come. I looked up at the sky and noticed a bit of time had passed. The sun had moved away from noon, but not so much to lead it into late afternoon. I guessed an hour had passed since we left Shigure's.

"Kyou?" I called out to him as he carefully forced his way passed the dangerous brambles.

"What?" His reply was curt.

"I'm sorry... for, whatever I did." I wasn't sure what I had done, but I knew it called for some sort of penance. Kyou shrugged as he walked, sighing.

"It doesn't matter." He offered, excusing whatever I had done.

"What happened? Did I try to fight you?" I asked, curious. He flushed again, the back of his neck growing red.

"I said it doesn't matter, now drop it!" He growled at me. I knitted my eyebrows. I was even more curious now.

I followed Kyou until the path widened enough for two people to walk, albeit closely. I moved up to walk beside him and he glanced over at me nervously. I smiled at him and he looked away quickly. He seemed incredibly nervous for some reason, and I took care not to brush into him when possible. When we got back to Shigure's, the house was empty. There was a note informing us that Yuki, Tohru, and Shigure had gone into town for lunch. Kyou commented that it figured they would go out for some 'good' food the one time he wasn't around. I smiled at him, knowing he would not have gone even if they had offered him. He hated public places.

"What do you want for lunch?" I was surprised by the question. I shrugged and he scowled at me. "Fine. Then don't eat." Kyou rolled his eyes.

"I'll have whatever you're having." I was never picky when it came to food.

"Leftovers." He grunted. I leaned against the counter as he rummaged through the refrigerator. A moment later he snatched two cups out of the cabinet. He filled one with milk, the other with soda. "Grab the drinks." He ordered as he snatched a container from the fridge, slinging the appliance door closed roughly. Kyou grabbed some utensils from a drawer and headed to the other room. I picked up the glasses and followed him.

"Thanks." I took a seat across from Kyou at the table, folding my legs beneath me. He grumbled and slid some chopsticks across the table to me and popped open the container, placing it in the middle of the table.

"Tohru made it." He explained. I shrugged, unsure what to say. We lapsed into silence and ate.

When we finished eating, Kyou cleared the table, dragging the dishes into the kitchen. He returned with a replenished glass of milk, for him, and more soda for me. He gracefully took his seat across from me and turned to stare out at the back yard. I watched a hundred different emotions pass over his face as he thought silently. I was curious as to what he was thinking about, but I didn't ask. He wasn't one to share his thoughts so easily.

"You're quiet." Kyou commented after some time passed.

"Oh?" I asked, surprised. I wondered why Kyou cared, when he had grown accustomed to my talking.

"Usually, I can't get you to shut up about whatever stupid crap you're always jabbering about." I raised an eyebrow as he turned to look at me. He frowned. "I always thought you were quiet. But now that you're always around, you remind me of Shigure. Constantly babbling about something." He was complaining, but it seemed to be more about the fact that I wasn't talking, rather than my 'constant babble'.

"Ah, well. I don't really have anything to talk about right now." I raised my eyebrows in thought. Usually I talk to him about more obscure things. Life, love, dreams... whatever is eating at either of us.

"Figures. What's a stupid cow have to talk about anyway?" He snorted and stood up. I watched him walk out onto the porch and flop back down.

"You pick a topic, then." I offered, joining him.

"What?" Kyou still wasn't looking at me.

"Well, I can't think of anything to talk about. Besides, I'm just a stupid cow who couldn't possibly have anything interesting to say. So, you pick a topic." He turned to look at me, his face flashing guilt, before he quickly looked away again.

"I didn't mean that. Not exactly." He apologized. "Sometimes, I just say things without thinking." I scoffed.

"I know." I agreed, still surprised by his admittance.

"I try not to get so angry and insult people all the time. But everyone is so stupid, I just can't help it!" He explained, reverting to insults. He realized that he'd done it again and sighed. "See?" He offered, exasperated with himself.

"It's ok." I laughed. "I understand what you mean. We all do, really." He nodded in appreciation.

"I'm bored." Kyou's tone matched the statement. I nodded in agreement. There was little to do but sit there.

"Ah, well, I'm afraid I don't know how to cure that." I shrugged. His face swung to meet mine. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"What did you say?" He frowned.

"I said, I don't know how to cure that." I repeated my statement, knitting my brows. "What did you think I said?"

"Nothing..." He was blushing. I was confused.

Kyou rubbed the back of his neck softly and winced. I frowned at him, wondering what was wrong. His hand traced a line on the back of his shoulder gently, his fingers disappearing beneath his shirt. His face looked mildly annoyed, despite the fact that it obviously hurt. I watched him for a moment as he pulled his hand away to look at his fingers. I noticed that there was a little blood staining the back of his shirt. I frowned. I thought back to the briar and remembered that it had dug into his skin and scratched up the back of his neck and shoulder.

"Is it bleeding?" I asked him. Kyou glared at me.

"It's fine." He snapped, looking warily at me. His sideways glance worried me.

"Let me see." I leaned toward him, my hand reaching for the back of his shirt. He scooted away quickly.

"I said it's fine." He shouted at me. "I don't need some stupid pervert cow poking at me over a little scratch!"

"Oh. Sorry." I sighed and glanced out at the yard. The sun had progressed further in the sky and was glaring red-orange over the trees, shining right into my face. I scooted back on the porch until my back was to the wall and slumped my shoulders. Kyou stared at me.

"It's just that..." He paused. "It just a little scratch." Kyou explained. He seemed worried that he'd hurt my feelings.

"It might get infected." I shrugged.

"I doubt it." He rolled his eyes at me and looked away. He sat quietly for long moments. "You think those thorns were poisonous?" He asked suddenly.

"Possibly." I glanced down at my finger. The tiny prick seemed to have already healed. I doubted the briar was poisonous. If it were, my finger would at least be sore. I pressed the tip of my injured finger to my thumb, testing for pain. There was none.

"It does kind of burn." He commented, again fingering the scratch. I chuckled quietly. I wondered if this was his subtle way of asking me to check out his injury.

"Ah, that could be the poison... or infection." He turned to look at me again. "Or it could be that you've irritated it. Poking at it can do that. So can dirty fingers." He glanced down at his fingers, inspecting them for dirt as I spoke.

"Whatever." He sounded mildly worried and returned his fingers to the small wound.

"Will you let me fix it up now?" I smiled at him.

"I don't care." Kyou's voice was a grumble.

"I'll go get the first aid kit." I stood from the porch and turned toward the house. "Where do you keep it?"

"It's probably still in the kitchen. That airhead Tohru burned herself this morning while making breakfast." His mention of Tohru was affectionate. Smiling, I walked to the kitchen and spotted it on the counter. I wondered why I hadn't noticed it earlier, then remembered that I had been too busy staring at Kyou. I laughed at myself as I picked it up, and then returned to the porch.

"Did you find it?" He asked, not turning to face me.

"Yeah. It was on the counter." I nodded to his back. I took a seat behind him, tucking my legs beneath me, sitting down on my ankles. I tugged the collar of his shirt, pulling the cloth away from his skin and he jumped, spinning around to face me.

"What are you doing?" His eyes narrowed and his voice was demanding.

"How else am I going to clean the scratch? You don't honestly expect me to do it through your shirt, or without touching you, do you?" I frowned at his reaction. He returned my expression wholeheartedly.

"Stupid cow." He mumbled, turning around.

"Just relax." I commented. He tensed, his breath hitching. I pulled the collar of his shirt away and peered at the scratch. It was a rather large scratch, skipping over his skin in a dashed line. The small cuts weren't very deep, but they weren't simple surface scratches either. I let the cloth fall back and opened the kit. I took out an alcohol swab, a bandage and some ointment and laid it aside.

"Be careful." He prompted, warning me not to hurt him. I smiled. He reminded me of a child. I pulled the cloth away gently and reached beneath it with the swab, brushing it against the scratch. He hissed and pulled away. "I said be careful, damnit!"

"You know, this would be easier of you took off your shit." I offered. He turned to glower at me. I stared back at him innocently.

"Are you... 'Black'?" He asked. I knitted my brows, wondering why he would ask me that. I shook my head, his scowl deepened.

"I'm not 'Black'." I reiterated, tilting my head in confusion. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"You better not be." He mumbled. I shrugged as he turned away. He wrapped his fingers into the bottom of his shirt, tugging it over his head. He leaned forward, arching his back and dropped his head to look at his lap. I reached for his cut with the alcohol pad again.

"This might sting." I warned him of the discomfort. Kyou grunted. I wiped at the cut gently, smiling as Kyou's breath caught in his chest. With each pass, he twitched forward, leaning away from the sting. I wrapped my fingers over his shoulder and pulled him back. He tensed at the touch of my hand on his arm, but relaxed soon after. I swabbed the cut once more and then blew on it lightly to relieve the sting. Kyou rolled his head to the side, exposing the side of his neck to me. His sigh was almost inaudible.

My fingers tightened on his shoulder and I leaned him backward, straightening his back a little. I tossed the swab aside and reached for the ointment, twisting off the cap with one hand. I pressed the tube with my thumb, squeezing some of the clear gel onto my index finger, wiping the tip of excess, and then placed the ointment on the porch. I turned back to Kyou. He was still hunched over, quietly allowing me to treat his wound. He hadn't complained so far. I began to spread the ointment over the scratch gently, my finger brushing over the cut. He winced and straightened his back. I rubbed my hand up and down his upper arm, distracting him from the pain as I continued to spread the medicine. When I finished that, I reached for the bandage, releasing Kyou's arm to peel back the packaging with both hands. The bandage was a rather large rectangle of gauze, and I stretched it over the injured area, careful not to press it into the cut. I didn't want it to stick to the wound. I reached for some gauze tape, tearing two strips off with my teeth, and taped the bandage down to Kyou's skin.

"All done." I smiled at his back. I packed up the kit, closing the lid, and pushed it away from us, the used swab folded in the bandage wrapper lying on the top of the plastic container. Kyou remained hunched over, his breath swelling his ribs and causing his back to rise with each inhalation. I watched him idly, admiring the way his thinness allowed his bones to show through his skin.

"My back itches." Kyou's voice was sleepy. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh? Where?" The amusement was apparent in my voice.

"In the middle..." He paused. "Close to the top." He offered. I wondered if this was Kyou's version of flirting, of hinting at me that he liked my touch. I raised my hand to his back.

"Here?" My fingers scratched lightly over his back.

"Higher." A mumble. I traced my fingers upward.

"How about here?" I bit my lip. His skin was soft.

"Left." I obeyed, moving my hand to the side. His shoulders lifted and his head dipped further toward his chest. "Right there..." His voice was a little strained.

I ran my fingernails over the spot, making little circles. His flesh reddened under my fingers. The muscles in his back relaxed and tightened, and he rolled his shoulder blades. I smiled crookedly, enjoying the moment. My heart raced in my chest as I continued to scratch his back, widening the circles I made with my nails. A soft noise of appreciation escaped Kyou's lips, and I raised my brows. It reminded me of a purr.

"Better?" I asked, still dragging my fingers across his back. He nodded absently, his head falling to the side as his shoulders rolled again. I leaned closer to him, feeling the warmth of his body bleed into mine. Boldly, I moved even closer until I could rest my chin on his bandaged shoulder. I continued to scratch gently over his back, my arm trapped loosely between us. I sighed. "Kyou?" I asked softly.

"Hmm?" I was reminded of earlier, in the woods, when I had been stroking his hair. I slipped my hand from his back and wrapped it around his waist, slowly sliding my palm across his flat stomach. His muscles flexed beneath my touch. I spread my knees and pulled him backward against me, leaning more heavily on his back. He didn't pull away.

"Kyou, I..." I paused, gently pressing the side of my face against his. "Can I kiss you?" I whispered.

"Haru..." Kyou's voice was low. "Haru, that's not..." Whatever he was going to say was interrupted by the sound of a car pulling up to the house out front. Kyou sprang forward, his face red and his eyes looking anywhere but at me. "Where's my shirt?" He asked, panicked. I wanted to scream with frustration.

"Here." Reaching over, I lifted his shirt from the porch and handed it to him. He took it impatiently from my hand and slipped it on over his head.

"It's inside out." Leaning back, I pulled my legs from beneath me and stretched them out.

"What?" He looked down at his chest.

"Your shirt. It's inside out." I gestured to his clothes.

"Oh!" Kyou pulled the shirt back off over his head and turned it right before slipping it back on. "Thanks." His hands swiped the wrinkles from the cloth.

"Your welcome, kitten." I smiled at him. His eyes shot up to meet mine in surprise.

"Don't call me that, stupid cow." He was growling again. I shrugged. Kyou stomped over to the porch and took a seat as far from me as possible, dangling his legs off the edge of the porch.

Shigure, Yuki, and Tohru had returned from lunch accompanied by Hatori. I listened to their chatter as they took seats at the kotatsu, ignoring mine and Kyou's presence completely. Shigure was again babbling at Hatori about nonsensical things, trying the other mans patience. I heard Shigure asking after Hatori's progress with his book. The dragon commented that he'd not yet found the time to read it. The dog nagged him for long moments until Hatori agreed to read it in the next few days. Shigure happily bragged about how he was sure Hatori would _adore _it, wrangling a promise from the doctor to let him know as soon as he finished it. I glanced over at Kyou and realized that he had been staring at me as I sightlessly stared at the yard. I smiled at him, and he glowered at me. I shrugged. He snorted and looked away.

My mind wandered as I stared at Kyou's profile. He was smoother day by day, his rough edges wearing away in the quiet autumn days. The wind stirred the trees and I watched as they waved at the sky, releasing their leaves to dance through the air and over the ground. I wondered idly what Kyou had been about to say when we were interrupted. It didn't matter much now, the moment having fled. Each day seemed to be drawing Kyou out of his shell, each day he let me get a little closer. I was happy with what I could have, living the moments rather than the life. Even if I couldn't have anything more than what I'd already experienced, I realized I was full. He'd given me more than he'd given anyone else, and I had my dreams. Kyou was there, at night, angrily pushing at me in my head, shouting, cursing, telling me I was a 'stupid cow' if I so much as looked at him. And too, in my sleeping mind, he was letting me closer, allowing me to pull him to me and share the warmth he held within him. I glanced down at my hands; I could still feel the warmth of his body, my fingers were humming with the sensation of slipping over his skin. Again tonight, I knew, Kyou would be there, visiting my dreams.

...

A/N: Ahh. Sorry, sorry. Writers block. Smiles weakly I tried, but no matter how hard I did, nothing would come! I couldn't think of a damn thing to write. It's been a bit like that throughout writing this story. I never even had an idea. I just started writing one day to see what would happen. I fear this is going nowhere. But I won't abandon it. More blathering chapters are to come. I should, perhaps, go back and read what I've just written. See if my nonsense has any semblance of order at all. I worry its all chaotic and plotless gibberish. Well, perhaps it is plotless, as is the whole story so far. I should think up some twists and turns, an underlying story. Again, I repeat. I cannot write 'Black' Haru. I'm sorry for cramming these characters into such 'out of character' bodies. Despite it all, I'm having a wonderful time writing this story. And I do appreciate the support I'm getting for it.

2: Thanks once again for the reviews. I appreciate that people are reading it. It seems some of you are enjoying it a little. I'm glad.


	6. Chapter 5: Burning the Ghosts

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Fruits Basket or anything pertaining to the manga or anime. The characters, places, etc... are not mine, nor do I lay any claim on them. This is not an attempt to infringe on any rights or copyrights, as this is purely for entertainment.

Authors Note: The fifth chapter. Please, God help me! I'm dead in the water on this one. Repetitively, I plead... please inform me of any spelling or grammar mistakes. If I've left off or interchanged a letter, used a foreign spelling, or misspelled a foreign word... etc. Also, this chapter will probably be re-written at some point. If so, I will make mention. Check the author's note, located, -here-, on occasion to find out. Although, if it hasn't changed in 2 weeks, it never will. : )

Title: 'Autumn'

Author: Evie Gunn

Rating: R rated for language and adult/sexual situations

Series: Fruits Basket

Pairings: Haru x Kyou

Genre: ?

Archive: If you like... just tell me where. I'm inclined to be a pessimist, so I doubt anyone would want to, but hey...

...

**Autumn**

Chapter 5: Burning the Ghosts

A leaf in my canopy had gone brittle and torn itself neatly down the middle, precariously hanging above me by a veiny fiber, and I stared idly as it quivered. I wondered when it would break free, when I'd find that crisp little half-leaf floating down to rest with me on my bed. My canopy had been crumbling; each day I swept away more remnants of my tribute to autumn, each day another bit of white ceiling showed through my sky of red and gold. I would miss the multicolored decoration, I'd miss the blanket of leaves; it had kept me warm with memory of both autumn, and the cat who shared the colors. I prayed to whatever god would listen, that when my multihued sky was bare, I'd have warmer, truer colors to keep me company.

Suddenly in need of fresh air, I pushed myself up and climbed out of my bed. Standing, I stretched my arm toward my ceiling and plucked away the dangling leaf, crushing the delicate thing to tiny pieces in my palm. The fragile nature of both the lifeless flora, and my crimson-eyed cousin left me nearly breathless with my effort to be delicate. The smallest amount of pressure could crack the thin membrane of dead flora as easily as that same pressure could crack the tentative bond I'd made with Kyou. I closed my fist around the crumbled remnants and left my room behind in search of the washed out colors of early evening. I slipped on my boots at the door and stepped outside onto the porch. I took a seat on the steps and glanced out toward the horizon at the setting sun. The sunset's red glow washed away into orange and yellow, finally spending itself into a pale expanse of graying sky, littered with the transparent twinkle of stars. They glittered weakly against the pale backdrop like the ethereal light of ghosts.

My head began to hurt, and I pressed my chill fingers to my temple in an effort to relieve some of the ache. Ache. My chest tightened, and I wondered at the sudden dull pain. Empathy, or love, tore at me like a clawed cat, begging me to release it from my grasp, but my draining paralysis would not allow me to let go. I frowned at myself and wrapped my coat tighter about me, trying to ward off the chill. I glanced down at my hand, the dust of the crushed leaf was still in my palm, and I wondered if I could will it back together. I mused on the thought of brittle leaves and fall, once again. I sighed to myself and closed my eyes. I was spending another season forging my love for autumn, and the vibrant colors of 'the season of dying'.

I tucked my chin to my chest and laughed at my wandering mind, forever drifting off into an immature and self absorbed philosophy. I shivered again and leaned into the light breeze. The nights were much cooler than the days; the sun had withered beneath the horizon, slipping away to warm another more vibrant part of the earth. I took a shallow breath and tried to relax against the cold. Quiet footsteps mingled with a sweetly childish song, both echoing hauntingly through the crisp evening, wrangled my attention and I turned to watch as Momiji skipped along a cobbled path toward my own house. His gold hair seemed to glow softly in a blurry tribute to the sunset, his eyes shining with happiness from beneath. I watched his lips form each meaningless word, my mind riding the tide of content that the rabbit offered.

"Hello, Haru." Momiji's voice almost sang the words, and I glanced up at his face in time to catch a warm smile. His cheeks were flushed with color, his nose pink with cold.

"Hello, Momiji." I nodded to him, returning the smile softly. He took a seat next to me, his shoulder leaning into me. He moved, almost restlessly, against my side.

"What do you have in your hand?" He pulled my wrist toward him and pried my hand open. I let him unfold my fingers with no resistance. "Another leaf fell?" His question was simply inquisitive.

"I pulled it down before it could fall." I glanced sideways at the blond, nodding in his direction.

"Sometimes, they need a little help." He smiled and nodded back at me as he spoke, stirring the crushed leaf in my hand with his finger. I wondered what strange insight he held captive in his words.

"Oh?" I raised my eyebrows at him. Momiji rarely said anything without having a story to paint his words.

"Yes." He nodded. "You see... each leaf remembers something. Some remember summer, and some remember spring. And they remember rain, and birds, and insects, and hot days." He smiled at me, his eyes squinting pleasantly. His smile faded as he returned to his story. "And some remember other things; storms, and drought, or even how lovers carved their names into the tree... and maybe they remember how one lover returned and scratched the names out." I knitted my eyebrows at him as his shoulders slumped in empathy for the tree and the divided lovers. "Each memory falls from the branches, the good and the bad, leaving the tree bare."

"That's sad." My idle comment caused Momiji to brighten.

"No, Haru." He smiled at me and tipped my hand. The pieces fell from my palm as he brushed them away with his fingers. "Once it's stripped bare, it can start fresh! The tree has gotten rid of the past, and it can start all over again." Momiji giggled softly.

"But...?" I urged him to finish.

"But, sometimes, some of the leaves don't want to come off. So they need a little help. Some of them fall with an entire branch, and some of them are torn off in hard wind, or stolen by a bird to make a nest. And sometimes, a person comes along and pulls them down." Momiji reached over my lap to pluck a leaf from a nearly bare bush at the side of the steps. He inspected it a moment before letting it fall to the ground.

"Even if you pull them down, the leaves are still there, lying under the tree. Maybe it can still remember them." I was fishing for an answer.

"That's true, but they aren't connected. They don't weigh down the tree anymore." Momiji glanced out at the yard. "Eventually, though, the leaves turn back into earth." He smiled up at me. "Or a gardener, who takes care of the trees, comes along and rakes them all up and burns them." I frowned at him. "Of course, either way, the memories will always be there, but they've changed now. Now they are feeding the tree, rather than feeding off of it." Momiji scrunched his face, his nose wrinkling cutely, and then leaned his head against my shoulder.

"Where do you hear these stories?" My voice was quiet as I spoke. I smiled to myself. Momiji had explained so much to me in such a simple way, giving me a piece of mind I'd been searching for, for days.

"I make them up! Well, not all of them. Lots of them, I hear at school." Momiji's singsong voice drifted out as he lifted his head from my shoulder. He looked up at me and smiled before hopping up and tugging on my arm, dragging me up from the porch. It seemed he was always answering questions I couldn't voice, and then dragging me off to put the answers to use.

"Where are we going?" I already had an idea.

"We are going to see Shigure." His grin widened. "Hatori said that he thinks Shigure needs medical attention." I wondered at his smile

"Oh?" I frowned. "What happened?" I was concerned.

"Hatori read Shigure's book." Momiji burst into giggles. I joined him in the laugh. The joke was not lost on me; I had read the book as well, filling my bored nights with Shigure's romantic notions.

The rabbit dragged me across the grounds to Hatori's office, and we waited while the dragon packed his things; Shigure's book was tossed into a bag with a barely concealed hint of disgust. I fought to hide my smile as Hatori acknowledged us, shepherding us out of the office. Once outside, we followed the doctor to the car. Momiji climbed into the front seat next to Hatori, and I slipped into the back, reclining in the seat. The drive was peaceful, the quiet broken only by Momiji's melodic humming, and I nearly drifted to sleep, calmed by his song. When the car stopped, I was wrenched from my hazy mood and thrust easily back into reality. I climbed out of the car and followed a bouncing Momiji and a lethargic Hatori up to Shigure's house.

"Hatori, Momiji, Haru! It's so nice to see you again!" Tohru's sweet voice greeted us at the door, ushering us inside politely.

"Tohru!" Momiji shouted the girls name as he leapt into her arms. Clothing slid to the ground as Tohru held the small rabbit in a gentile embrace. Hatori frowned and stooped to pick up the fallen clothes, folding them negligently and stuffing them into his bag. I shook my head, amused, and stroked Momiji's soft fur as I passed.

"Ha-ri!" The name echoed through the house, reverberating off the walls. Hatori had set his bag down, and placed his fingers in his ears in preparation for Shigure's enthusiastic greeting. The dog rushed past us as we crowded the hall, slinging his arms about his friend. When Shigure finally let go, Hatori lifted his bag once again and narrowed his eyes at the dog. The overdramatic writer immediately began to pout. "What's wrong, Ha-ri?"

"I've come for checkup's." Hatori's simple response sent Shigure into babbling once again.

"Oh, Ha-ri! You were worried about me. My heart swells with love and gratitude that you would come all the way out here just to make sure I was in good health!" Shigure's face lit up, his dramatic side drowning his calmer personality. I smiled.

"After reading that book, I feared you might need some medical attention." The quiet comment seemed quite unlike Hatori, and I couldn't help but laugh. Shigure stared at me a moment as he processed the remark.

"Hari!" How could you say such a thing? Didn't you like my wonderful story?" Shigure's eyes glossed with hurt as he folded his arms, tucking his hands into his sleeves.

"Idiot." Hatori muttered the word and moved past Shigure. The dog trailed after him. I imagined his tail tucked between his legs, brought to heel by Hatori's stoic disregard for his drama.

I followed the men into the other room. Tohru, looking quiet confused, followed at my side, still carrying Momiji. She was stroking the rabbit's head as he snuggled into her chest, once again, humming his contentment. We had interrupted their dinner, and Kyou and Yuki were seated at the kotatsu, eating in silence while they glared at one another from across the table. I frowned at them in amusement. I supposed they would remain rivals for years to come, but I silently hoped that they would eventually see in each other what the rest of us found in each of them. I took a seat beside Kyou and greeted he and Yuki. Yuki returned the salutation with curt politeness, Kyou, however, only grunted, filling his mouth with the remains of his food. I smiled at him and shrugged to myself. Shigure and Hatori joined us, taking their seats at the table, while Tohru returned to her own spot, sitting down gently and cradling the rabbit in her lap.

"Yuki." Hatori pulled his slight glare from Shigure and turned his attention to the mouse.

"Yes, Hatori?" Yuki's soft voice was respectful. After his chastisement from Hatori, the dark-haired boy had become more polite in the dragon's presence, and was reluctant to taunt Kyou while the man was around.

"Have you had any attacks lately?" Hatori began to fish through his bag, drawing out a syringe and medications, as well as a stethoscope, and other items. He had been serious about the checkups, despite the threat to Shigure. Yuki shook his head as Hatori finished finding his tools, answering the doctor's question. The dragon turned toward Yuki and urged him to open his shirt, pressing the end of the listening device to his palm to warm it before placing it against the dark-haired boys chest.

"Can't you do this someplace else? I'm trying to eat." Kyou's voice was filled with disgust. I turned to watch him as he pushed himself away from the table, glowering at Hatori from across the room. When he was ignored, he drew himself up and stalked out of the room, his footsteps echoing as he climbed the stairs.

"Ha-ri!" Shigure piped in, interrupting Hatori's calm as he listened to Yuki breathe. I glanced over at Tohru, her blushing face turned downward. I wondered when the blond would return to his natural form, and smiled at the thought of a very naked Momiji draped over the shy girls lap.

"What is it, Shigure?" Hatori answered with his customary patience.

"You only care about Yuki! Where is my checkup?" Shigure grinned, lapsing into silence as his eyes fell closed. I wondered what perverse thoughts filled his mind at that moment. I thought back on his book and smiled to myself. Hatori ignored the other man, finishing his inspection of Yuki's lungs before giving the mouse his approval and allowing him to dress again.

"Now it's your turn, Shigure." Hatori's deep voice caused the dog to jump, drawing him from his imagination. His face split in a bright grin.

"Ah! You do care, don't you? Oh, should I undress? Shouldn't we go into another room, Ha-ri? You'll be gentle, won't you?" Shigure rambled his questions in one breath. Hatori frowned. I smiled at them both. Yuki scoffed and rolled his eyes, turning to converse with Tohru in favor of offering any of his attention to the antics.

"Shigure. Sit still." Hatori ordered the dog to stillness, and Shigure fell silent. Hatori reached his hand beneath Shigure's robe, pressing a now cold end piece to the man's chest, causing Shigure to gasp at the contact.

"That's so mean! You warmed it for him!" Shigure pointed across at Yuki in a childish manner, earning himself a smack on the back of the head from the dragon. I'd never seen Hatori respond in quite that way, but I found it more than amusing. It reminded me of the way Kyou dealt with both Momiji and Tohru.

"Ahh! Oh my goodness!" Tohru's shout caught my attention, and I turned in time to see her scramble away from Momiji as he returned to his human form, grinning and giggling as the girl blushed and turned to hide her face in her hands.

"Hurry and get dressed." Yuki's unamused voice ended Momiji's laughter. The mouse tugged the rabbit's clothes from Hatori's bag and shoved them at the blond, demanding obedience.

"Aww, you're no fun, Yuki. Haru wouldn't make me get dressed!" Yuki turned away from the pink-faced blond to scowl at me in accusation. I smiled as Momiji poked out his bottom lip in a childlike pout.

"Yes, I would." I nodded to Momiji, ignoring Yuki's disapproving glare. Momiji immediately returned to smiling. He dressed quickly and plopped down next to me, leaning his head on my arm.

"You never play along anymore, Ha-ru." I glanced over at Yuki; his brow was scrunched in confusion. I shrugged at him.

"Ow! Why are you being so rough, Ha-ri?" Shigure's shout of discomfort, again, diverted attention to he and the dragon. I felt as if I were watching a comedy on television.

"Revenge." Hatori spoke evenly, staring into Shigure's eyes with a serious demeanor. He pulled the needle from Shigure's arm none to gently, and set it down on the tabletop, shoving aside a bowl to make space. I wondered, idly, when Tohru would clear away the dishes. Shigure leaned back, away from the dragon.

"Revenge? What for?" The dog's voice had become whiny, and I wondered how he had perfected the art of complaining.

"The Book." Hatori pulled the book from his bag, proffering it in Shigure's direction. Shigure, however was not offended, instead his mouth stretched into a broad smile that threatened to break his face in half with it's intensity.

"I knew you liked it! What was your favorite part?" The dog rubbed his palms together conspiratorially, leaning toward his friend with interest. Hatori scoffed in disbelief. I arched my brows at them.

"Shigure. Each character was modeled after one of us." Hatori's eyes narrowed as he swept his hand around the room.

"Ah, I didn't think you noticed." Shigure grinned, pleased with himself. Hatori closed his eyes in annoyance.

"'Shigune', 'Hatoshi', 'Yukito', 'Haku'..." Hatori ticked off the characters names. I smiled at the memory.

"You forgot to mention 'Koko', 'Momo', and 'Toto'. Hardly intelligent disguises." Yuki rolled his eyes. I knitted my eyebrows at Yuki; surprised he'd read the book. "If Kyou reads that nonsense, Hatori may have to return to mend your broken bones." I nodded in agreement.

"But it was so lovely!" Shigure swooned.

"Idiot." Hatori frowned at the dog.

"And the ridiculous things you had us all doing... It's disgusting!" Yuki spat at Shigure. I laughed.

"Haru, you liked it didn't you?" Shigure turned his eyes toward me, pleading for some form of praise. I smiled at him and nodded. It was an amusing read, regardless of his twisted reality. However, despite my best efforts, I could not imagine Hatori dressed as a 'nurse' and catering to 'Doctor' Shigure's every whim; although it was relatively easy to imagine Yuki and Tohru in matching wedding dresses as they took their vows. I hid my smile as both Yuki and Hatori glared at me.

"Perverts!" Yuki sighed in agitation.

"You wrote a book about us, Shigure?" Tohru's innocent question sent Momiji into giggles. Shigure, however, brightened at the possibility of allowing the girl to read his explicit romance. As expected, Yuki intervened before Shigure could answer Tohru, or hand her the book he now held in his hands.

"Ah, you don't want to read that book, Tohru. It's terribly boring, and hardly proper material for someone as sweet as you." Yuki's voice had lost the edge, and he spoke kindly to Tohru. The girl blushed at the compliment, forgetting all about the book. Shigure sat helplessly gazing at Hatori, who patiently ignored the pouting man.

"Where is Kyou?" Hatori's quiet voice questioned after the crimson-eyed cat. I glanced at the hall toward the stairs.

"I'll get him." I offered. Shigure immediately smiled.

"Ah! Just like in my book! 'Haku leaves the party in search of Koko, hunting the darkened upper floors of the mansion for his lover, lustfully calling his name into the stillness'!" I smiled down at Shigure as I stood to leave the room. "'Upon finding Koko, the virile Haku thrust the boy to the floor, tearing away his flimsy clothing and exposing his'..." Hatori issued another soft hit to the back of the dog's head before he could finish his sentence.

I climbed the stairs slowly, taking them one at a time as I ascended to the second floor. I followed the dim hall, searching for Kyou's door. Standing outside the entrance to Kyou's room, I paused, thinking back on Shigure's story. It was oddly prophetic, despite the fact that Kyou was neither my lover, nor was the gathering downstairs a glorious ball. I laughed to myself as I knocked on the door. I was met with silence. I knocked again, louder this time, and finally, I was graced with the annoyed voice of my crimson-eyed cousin. I slid the door open and entered the room quietly. Kyou was sprawled on his futon, legs stretched out in front of him, his head propped back against the wall. In his hands was a rather thick book; the pressed leaf bookmark lay next to him on the blanket. I smiled.

"Hatori would like you to come down stairs." I waited for his reply.

"Tell him to kiss my ass." His flippant remark made me frown.

"I don't think that's a good idea. He's not in a good mood." I shrugged and turned to leave.

"Then tell him whatever you like. I'm staying up here." Kyou snapped at me, his response predictably annoyed.

"It's fine, Haru." Hatori interrupted us and I turned quickly to face him. I hadn't heard him enter the room.

"Don't you know how to knock?" Kyou's bitterness bled into his words.

"The door was open." Hatori's reply moved Kyou's glare to me.

"Shut the door next time, stupid cow." I shrugged apologetically and turned to leave.

"Haru." Hatori's voice halted my steps. I made a noise of acknowledgement. "It is more convenient to treat you both at once." I nodded at him and crossed the room to sit at Kyou's desk. "Take off your shirt." The comment was directed at both of us.

"I'm not sick." Kyou remained in his previous position.

"I didn't ask you if you were. Sit up." Hatori responded calmly. Kyou glared a moment, but decided to comply. I pulled my shirt off over my head and laid it across my lap. Kyou peeled his own off, tossing it to the side to land in a heap to his left.

"Hurry up." Kyou's order was ignored as the dragon took his time gathering his things.

I waited patiently in the chair as Hatori probed at Kyou. My mind wandered even as my eyes danced over Kyou's exposed flesh. I found my thoughts drifting to scenes that would likely be found in Shigure's next romance, and chastised myself for emulating the dog's perverse thoughts. I pulled my eyes away from Kyou and stared at the papers scattered over the surface of the desk. It was, perhaps, the only messy space in the cat's room. His scrawling handwriting covered the papers; uneven and heavy-handed words decorated the white sheets in patterns. I recognized some of the essays to be schoolwork, while others seemed to be random thoughts, perhaps poetry or lyrics. I didn't think Kyou was the type to write such things, so instead I speculated that the writings were as simple as they seemed. Random thought, jotted down in boredom. My eyes hovered on the papers a moment longer before swinging back toward Kyou. His eyes were clenched shut as Hatori pressed a needle into Kyou's flesh.

"What was that for?" Kyou asked, rubbing at his arm. He was staring at the reddening spot on the inside of his elbow as he spoke, his countenance irritated.

"Immunization." Hatori capped the syringe and dropped it into a small baggie before discarding it in his bag. He hefted his bag as he stood and approached me. My eyes stared past him at Kyou. "Sit up straight, Haru." I complied, not moving my eyes from Kyou. I watched my cousin as he donned his shirt and returned to reading his book.

"I've been having headaches." I spoke quietly to Hatori as he listened to my lungs. He nodded, a short hum slipping from his throat. I allowed him to tilt back my head as he shined a light into my eyes.

"Your pupils are dilated. Are you in pain right now?" I nodded in response. My head had been hurting all day. "Tomorrow I will bring you something to ease the pain." I nodded at Hatori again, blinking my eyes rapidly. As I fought to adjust to the dim light of the room, I noticed that Kyou was staring at me. When I caught his eyes, he frowned at me.

"Is there something wrong with you?" Kyou's voice sounded more annoyed than concerned.

"I get headaches. Hatori thinks it has something to do with my 'Black' personality." I explained the situation to Kyou. Hatori remained silent.

"Stupid cow. It's probably because you don't let it out enough." Kyou rolled his eyes at me and returned to his book.

"You have a calming effect on me. He hasn't surfaced much lately." I shrugged at Kyou. Hatori glanced back and forth between the two of us as he packed away his things.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kyou snatched his bookmark from the blanket and closed it in his book before tossing the tome aside. "Don't blame me for your headaches!"

"I wasn't blaming you, Kyou." I frowned at him and lifted my shirt from my lap, slipping it over my head as he stared at me angrily.

"Well, don't thank me either! I don't have anything to do with 'Black' Haru." Kyou threw a hand into the air, dismissing my assumption that he was the reason I'd not gone 'Black' so often over the past month.

"Perhaps Haru is right. Since you two have become closer, there have been fewer incidents where his 'Black' personality surfaced." Hatori agreed with my assumption.

"We haven't become closer! Why would I want to be friends with some cow with a split personality?" Kyou defended himself against what he perceived to be an accusation.

"I see." I stood slowly and thanked Hatori, he nodded in return. Kyou stared at me. He seemed to be caught between an apology and embarrassment. Hatori's presence seemed to cause him to balk. "Goodnight, Kyou." I turned to leave, smiling to myself as I moved toward the door.

"Wa... wait." Kyou sighed, giving in. I stopped and turned around, Hatori looked utterly confused. Kyou was frowning at me in exasperation. "I'm sorry." The words were bitten off, as if he were being forced to amend his earlier statement.

"Sorry for what?" I wasn't sure why I asked. Perhaps, I wanted Hatori to see how Kyou was changing as well.

"You know _what for_, damnit!" Kyou shouted. I smiled at him and glanced over at Hatori. Hatori knitted his eyebrows at me and glanced over at Kyou. A blush spread across the cat's features and he glowered harder in an attempt to hide it.

"Ah, well, I suppose I accept your apology." I raised an eyebrow at Kyou.

"You _suppose_? Go to hell, you asshole!" Kyou stood from his futon, bristling in anger. I wondered if he would try to fight me, if he would draw out 'Black' Haru.

"I'll be downstairs." Hatori spoke softly to me, excusing himself from the room. I thought I detected a slight smile on his face, but I wasn't sure; his hair fell strategically to cover his expression.

I returned to my seat at Kyou's desk, despite the seething anger that radiated off the crimson-eyed boy. I stared passively back at him, his eyes seemed to glow with passionate hate for me in those quiet moments. Not only had I embarrassed him, but I'd also expressed my tentative control over him in a most blatant way. I deserved his ire. Eventually, the anger drained from Kyou's body and he returned to his seat on the futon, his scowl remaining to remind me of my affront. I watched him as his intense stare bored into me. Silence reigned over the next few minutes before Kyou finally spoke to me again.

"Why are you still here?" He sounded tired.

"You never asked me to leave." I rubbed idly at my temple, trying to relieve the headache that was returning to intensity. As my body tired, the pain grew.

"Your head still hurts?" I nodded at him. The scowl slipped away and was replaced by a frown.

"I'm used to it." I shrugged, dropping my hand back to my lap.

"It's easy to get used to pain like that." His words were mumbled, but there was nothing to buffer the sound, so his voice carried clearly.

"I suppose." I wondered what exactly he was thinking. We were both quiet for a long time. I was again reminded of those uncomfortable silences that seemed to trap people so often.

"I used to get headaches." Kyou leaned back on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Used to?" I watched him as he scratched at his neck.

"When I was little, after my mother died. I went to live with Kazuma, and started learning martial arts." He paused. I knew all of this already. "I started getting headaches all the time. Kazuma thought it was because I had so much pent up frustration, stress. Then you came to train with us, and I forgot about all of it. I guess I was too distracted dragging you to the bathroom all the time. Stupid brat." I smiled at the memory.

"Oh." I sighed. Kyou had reminded me of Momiji's gardener analogy.

"It's like that now, too." Kyou turned to glare at me. "You make me forget things." I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I'm sorry." I smiled at him apologetically.

"I can't concentrate when you're around. You're always asking me stupid questions and making me feel guilty! It fucking pisses me off!" His voice rose in agitation, but the words refused to be offensive.

"I'm sorry." I offered again. I knitted my brows against warming pain in my head.

"Stop saying that, you stupid cow!" Kyou rolled his eyes at me and turned to stare out the window. I nearly opened my mouth to apologize again. When I realized what I was about to do, I bit back the words. My head throbbed suddenly, and I rubbed at my temples again.

"I think I need some air." Dizziness washed over me as I stood, and I nearly stumbled as I made my way to the balcony.

I slid the doors open and slipped outside to lean on the rails. The cool air relieved some of the pain almost immediately, and my vision cleared. I leaned over and rested my head on the cool wood of the balcony railing. The feel of the cold plank drew a sigh from my lungs, and I closed my eyes. I relaxed against the balustrade, folding my arms over my head and allowing my weight to fall on my arms. My breath slowed as the pain abated, and I continued to rest peacefully in the calm evening. The quiet was broken by Kyou's footsteps as he joined me on the balcony. I lifted my head and glanced to my right as he leaned against the railing beside me. He was staring out over the yard.

I returned my head to the rail, pressing my warm head against the smooth coolness of the wood once again. I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed. The cool evening air began to seep into my skin, but I hardly noticed. For a long while, both Kyou and I simply stood there silently, unmoving as I fought with my headache, and he fought with whatever he was struggling with. My legs began to buckle beneath me as I strained to remain standing in the odd position, but I was comfortable, and my headache was fading back into a dull twinge. I heard the faint sound of a sigh slipping from Kyou's lips, and then I heard him shift his position. I didn't turn or lift my head; rather I opened my eyes to stare at the floor. I smiled at his shadow as it reached over the edge of the balcony with my own.

"You piss me off." Kyou's whisper was barely audible over the sound of the wind rustling the trees; the wood creaking in the breeze was louder than the breathy words he'd uttered. A moment later, I could feel his fingers tangling in my hair. It was so gentle I could barely feel him threading my hair between his digits, combing it softly. I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated on the feel of it. A moment later, his fingers moved away, and he increased the distance between us. I lifted myself to fold my arms over the rail, leaning over to balance my weight as I rested against the wooden balcony. I turned my face toward Kyou.

"I dreamed you were petting my hair." I smiled crookedly at Kyou and he glowered at me.

"Idiot." Kyou snorted and turned away.

I lifted my face toward the sky. The stars had grown brighter, glowing more strongly against the dark backdrop. They still reminded me of ghosts, but I imagined them burning out, disappearing into the blackness of the sky. If the heavens were a mirror, then the stars were the ghosts of everyone in the world. Each time one twinkled out, another ghost was burned away like leaves on an autumn day. I chuckled to myself and Kyou snorted at me, annoyed with my unaccompanied laughter. From below, Momiji called to me, his young face tilted up toward the balcony. I smiled down at him and then turned to leave. I moved past Kyou silently, neither of us offering parting words. My steps echoed through the quiet house as I made my way out and into the yard. As I climbed into the backseat of Hatori's car, I glanced up at Kyou's balcony, but he wasn't there. His window was dark. I shrugged to myself and shut the car door. Hopefully, Kyou would forget a little more of his pain, and maybe, I'd remember a little more of what I was missing.

...

A/N: This chapter will probably be rewritten and replaced at some point, as I am extremely unhappy with it. In the past, I've been balked by inarticulation and lack of idea, and blamed it on writers block. And ever the eternal pessimist, I've decorated my a/n's with my blathering, degrading my story and myself. I'll try not to do that from now on... it's a waste of _your_ time. However! This chapter is the garbage produced while afflicted with 'real' writer's block. (Mental, physical, and weather related writer's block.) I've been hammered with bad weather, migraines and problems with my computer. I think my sweet little box of electronic freedom might crash. I pray it won't. Originally, I had plans for this chapter, but they fled as I sat stagnant in the face of power loss and tornado. So I wrote the first thing that I could force my mind and hands to agree on. I'm sorry for anyone out of character, also, for placing Kyou's balcony on the wrong side of the house. (Hmm... I do believe I did that.) This part of the story was a simple exercise in curing writer's block, I'm not sure, exactly, why it's even posted. I sincerely apologize for this chapter. I hate it. Ok, I'm done.

2: Thanks again for all the reviews. I love you all! Even the ones who were mean to me. : ) If I could, I'd give you all presents.


	7. Chapter 6: Reflecting the Light

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Fruits Basket or anything pertaining to the manga or anime. The characters, places, etc... are not mine, nor do I lay any claim on them. This is not an attempt to infringe on any rights or copyrights, as this is purely for entertainment.

Authors Note: The sixth chapter. My ongoing fiction continues. Again, as always, please let me know of any mistakes, misspellings, or what not. I need the help. I have yet to proofread and edit this mess. This chapter is yet, another attempt to find the flow and voice of the chapters pre-5. I hope I'm finally getting there, though I have my doubts, _of course_. I'm still searching for what I lost.

**Edited** - sorry it isn't much better, but a bit has changed, and I hope it's an improvement on the original post, now that I've redone some of the damn thing.

Title: 'Autumn'

Author: Evie Gunn

Rating: R rated for language and adult/sexual situations

Series: Fruits Basket

Pairings: Haru x Kyou

Genre: ?

Archive: If you like... just tell me where. I'm inclined to be a pessimist, so I doubt anyone would want to, but hey...

...

**Autumn**

Chapter 6: Reflecting the Light

You can only stare into the mirror so long before you start to fear your reflection. It's easy to scare yourself, plant that seed of doubt deep into your soul, burying it until it's rooted and started to blossom into a flower of self-isolation. Yet, isolation is a desire unfounded in me; what I see in Kyou, the similarities, only drive me to reach harder, move closer. Doubtless, some narcissistic quality, threaded through my rent personality, is at fault for my captivation; or perhaps I'm realizing that the qualities that I fear so much in myself, are the same traits that draw me to Kyou. His monster reflects my own; a thousand little traits, trapped, reflected on a multifaceted surface. It makes every flaw, every fear, that much more prevalent, obvious. To face that, even from an opposite perspective, is daunting. Yet, there is something so tragically beautiful about a sundered soul, that despite the fear, I can't help but want to look deeper. Even if that means facing myself, and meeting my own demons on unfamiliar ground.

I glanced around at the empty halls, the lights flickering off in interspersed patterns, leaving only the odd numbered ceiling lights to illuminate the intersections and stairwells, washing them in pale fluorescent glow. The washed out colors of the sterile stone and linoleum hummed back at me with an echo of emptiness, the clicking of my boots the only sound that returned to my ears, as I wandered the corridors of the deserted school. I imagined the ghosts of countless eyes turning to follow my progress through school, watching me make my way down the hall, heads leaning to stare as I slip around a corner. I cleared my throat as I banished the lingering memory. It unnerves me, even, the way others stare.

People look at us differently. Each of us, in turn, as if they can see the animal we share a soul with, as if we are wearing our malady on our sleeve. Their eyes search us for any recognizable differences that might seep through to the surface, anything that might strip us naked to their view and expose the things that keep us at arms length from the rest of the world. I'm not sure if they even realize how hard they stare, how deeply they search. Sometimes, I have to fight to keep the monster within from slipping out to roar the truth back in the face of their critical and passionate search. Instead, I swallow my insecurity and my fear, drowning them beneath the false sense of apathy that I cloak myself in. Kyou simply runs. He flees the scene, anger sparking in his wake like the remains of lightning, left scattered like a trail of electric corpses.

Eyes seem to follow each of us, questioning our every movement, no matter how mundane and ordinary each of us attempted to be. Perhaps they search for their own reflection, scanning the surface of passersby, delving deeper with a glance; looking for someone that they feel represents themselves, or their opposite. I suppose, I am guilty of the same curiosity; wondering what exactly was trapped inside any person, what made them different from each other, what made them so vastly dissimilar to we Sohma's. It was akin to how I watch Kyou; attempting to fathom what separated the curse of the cat from the curse weighed on the remainder of the damned Sohma clan. All the magic and possibility, even the curious enchantment of such a thing, seemed anything but cruel, and yet, somehow, it was the most devilish of circumstances. A hell that I could sympathize with, even as I could not imagine the full extent of such unfairness. It's no wonder Kyou chooses to run.

The last of the lights were flickering out, the glow of late afternoon filtered in from windows and door to lay yellowed lines across the floors and walls. I watched the dust dancing the rays, stirred in the push of air as I passed each slanting beam of sunlight. As warm as the golden radiance appeared to be, it only served to remind me of the chill of the world around me, the crispness of lengthening autumn. I glanced up from the scattering of light that painted the halls, my eyes following the corridor to the end. A door stood between myself and the outside, the rectangle windows crisscrossed with a fencing of diamonds laid between panes of glass. My eyes unfocused with every other step as I moved closer to the odd pattern. My destination loomed closer, and I pulled the collar closed on my uniform jacket, ready for the onslaught of cool wind that would try to slip beneath my clothes and steal the warmth my body had created underneath the cloth. Reaching the exit, I pushed open the metal door, and it swung wide, releasing me into the late autumn day.

My eyes unfocused as I crossed my arms over my chest, subduing a shiver at the sudden drop in temperature. It was not an uncomfortable change; instead, it perked my senses, even as it set my mind to wandering. Automatically, my feet took up following the concrete pathway that wound about the grounds to the gate. I wondered if anyone else were still at school so late. My thoughts circled, again, the differences between those ordinary children of the world, and the demons I knew so intimately. Demons who harbored little evil aside from fear, and ordinary people who were afflicted with more evils than any hell-born specter that roved the earth. Not for the first time, I wondered who the true Mephistophelian creatures were. Those, whose eyes would accuse, who's hearts would damn; or we, who strive only for a release from a curse we never asked to bear. We, who only want to be accepted for who we are, rather than recognized and hated simply for the hell cast on us for the crimes of ancestors we know little of.

I swallowed the resentment that had begun to flood the back of my throat like bile, and refocused my attention on the gate that stood before me. I stopped just inside, wondering which way would lead me farthest away from my thoughts. As I stepped beyond the pillar, escaping the confining arms of stone that stretched the grounds, I fought to release my thoughts from their prison of reflection in vain. Choosing a direction blindly, I wandered no more than a few steps before halting, my eyes inexorably drawn from my inward vision. Red-gold hair caught my attention, sucking me from my world of weak introspection. Kyou. I glanced up at the gate that held the grounds peacefully behind their stone and iron arms. It had been more than two hours since the building had emptied, and I wondered at his lingering presence. I regained my pace, slowly moving in his direction, my feet silent on the concrete. Kyou was leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest; one leg folded, foot pressed back to the stone. His head was resting back against the stone and his face was turned up toward the sky, crimson eyes closed in an unusually peaceful patience.

I stood a moment, watching the wind play with his bangs, sweeping them across his brows, the ends dancing over his eyelids. His brows furrowed at the touch, and it seemed his senses awakened a bit at the winds soft kiss. His head rolled toward me, only slightly, and concentration stirred his countenance out of peacefulness. A moment later, his eyes slipped open, and he glanced at me from behind his lashes. His eyes narrowed at me; his lids were like slits, catlike and almost feral. Kyou lowered his head to meet mine, his face no longer leveled with a sky he could not see. He stared at me in what seemed like expectation for long seconds, his brows drawing together in agitation at my silence. I simply gazed back at him, unsure of the silent questions that drifted mutely toward my conscience.

"Where have you been?" Kyou's voice was smooth as he broke the silence. It was absent of the annoyance I'd expected.

"Here." I shrugged at him and glanced back at the school. I returned my gaze to meet his eyes.

"I'd have never guessed." His sarcasm hinted at his usual annoyance. He hated vague answers, my own were his bane at the moment. "Why where you wandering around in school after hours?" I shrugged in response.

"Were you waiting for me?" I meet his eyes, expressionless.

"No." His voice was flavored with something akin to a sneering dismissal. Kyou rolled his eyes and pushed away from the wall. His bag began to slip from his shoulder, and he shrugged it back into place, his arms never uncrossing.

"Who _are_ you waiting for?" I gestured toward the gate, the school.

"Who said I was waiting for anyone?" His voice was defensive, slipping into higher octaves as he spoke.

"Oh." I raised my eyebrows. Kyou sighed and narrowed his eyes; I watched the muscles in his jaw work as he clenched his teeth. He turned to walk away, but stopped after only two steps. His back was to me, his shoulders rising in a defensive manner, before slumping slightly.

"What if I were...?" He turned back around as he spoke, his eyes almost hooded. "Waiting on you." He clarified.

"It makes all the difference." I smiled at him; his returning glare seemed less than dangerous.

"What difference?" Kyou's question was meaningless. I shrugged at him again.

"Why were you waiting for me?" I walked toward him, and he turned as I continued past him. Kyou fell into step beside me.

"Nothing better to do." I raised an eyebrow at him, but he was not looking at me. His eyes were focused ahead of us, seemingly intent on our destination, though we had none.

"Oh." I shrugged, uninterested in pursuing the inquiry. Often I had no satisfactory explanation for my actions, either. '_Why's_' mattered little in the end, anyway.

We followed the concrete sidewalk that lined the street until the school had disappeared; turn after turn and step after step, the building slipped farther behind us with each. Shoulder to shoulder, our walk took us miles, and I didn't care in which direction. I kept my eyes in front of me, content to catch his movements, his cat-like peculiarities, in my peripheral vision. His eyes seemed equally inclined to remain gazing boredly ahead of us. On occasion, his shoulder would touch mine, and he would grunt in agitation, stepping sideways to increase the distance between us, before drifting closer once again, to repeat what had become a ritual of our travel.

"Where are we going, anyway?" Kyou pressed his lips into a thin line, glancing to take in our surroundings. He frowned and slowed his steps. I slowed to keep pace with him.

"I don't know." I raised an eyebrow. I had just begun walking for the sake of movement. I hadn't expected Kyou to come along.

"What?" Kyou stopped, unamused with my aimless wandering, and turned to face me.

"I don't kn..." I started to repeat my statement as I turned to watch him.

"I heard you the first time!" He interrupted my sentence. "This is how you get lost all the time, isn't it?" I could only nod. His shoulder slumped as the agitation drained away. "Do you know where we are, now?" Kyou raised an eyebrow at me.

"No." I shrugged.

"That's fucking wonderful!" I smiled at his sarcastic outburst, wondering why it bothered him so much. He scowled at my response.

"Do you know where we are?" I watched the confusion play on his face before it was replaced with a slightly calculating expression. I frowned at him.

"No." Kyou shrugged his pack back into place as it tried to slip off his shoulder. "You even managed to get me lost, you stupid cow." Somehow, Kyou didn't seem that upset, despite his apparent agitation.

"You didn't have to come." I shrugged and began walking again, my pace slow. Kyou fell into step beside me once again.

"Why do you always say that?" His eyes narrowed but he didn't look at me. I turned to watch his profile. It seemed he was both annoyed and worried by my statement, and both emotions seemed to mix smoothly into his voice and expression. Kyou had asked a difficult question.

"You always make me feel as if I should." I shrugged. "I often regret that I didn't warn you that joining me might ruin your day."

"It doesn't ruin my day." His voice was low, offended.

"Oh." I fought a smile.

"I just..." He paused. "If I didn't want to come, I wouldn't."

"Ah." I smiled at him. Kyou frowned at me.

"What?" His question was more demand.

"I was just wondering if that means you actually _like me_." I raised my eyebrows at him.

"So what if I do?" His eyes darkened with agitation at my prodding.

"Very unobvious, kitten." I commented idly, laughing softly. Kyou was not amused.

"Whatever. And I told you not to call me that!" He growled, but did not seem very angry. Kyou did not claim to have any friends. He had never even admitted that Tohru was truly his friend. I took his vague confirmation to heart, honestly happy to be considered such, even as I longed for more.

The day grew later, and the sun streamed at sharper angled, the shadows of naked trees reached long across the ground, and fell in dark stripes over us as we passed. I glanced up as we walked; grey clouds bumped into one another, merging as they drifted across the pale sky. The horizon was bright where the sun hung, reddish-gold light painting the backs of the trees in a glow that lit only half of the heavens. I turned to follow the colored light as it faded to a dusky grey. Darkness bled from the east, dim and stormy natured, as if just below, a tempest waited to rise and roar at the peace. I wondered if it would rain. The air was growing slowly chillier, and I flexed my fingers, working the blood through my cold hands.

"My hands are cold." Kyou's complaint echoed my thoughts, and I watched him rubbing his palms together. He sighed. "Which way is Shigure's?" He wasn't asking me.

"This way?" I offered, unsure, pointing in the direction we were already heading. He frowned at me, but quickened his pace, steady in the direction I had indicated.

"Shigure's house faces east, so we need to go left." Kyou nodded to himself, mapping the world in his own way. I tried to take note of his directional prowess. At the next street, we turned left, following yet another road until Kyou's eyes found familiarity. "This way." Kyou urged me to follow him.

"Are you sure?" I could not figure out how turning right would take us to our cousin's house, but followed Kyou despite my doubts.

"Of course I'm sure." Kyou growled his confidence. We followed the new road farther down, the sun glaring ruddy behind us. When we stopped, Kyou pointed to a spot across the street, and I recognized it immediately. It was his path through the woods. "The trail."

"I remember." I remembered the morning sun reflecting off Kyou's skin as he practiced, and I remembered twisting the briar free of his hair.

"You should. You attacked me the last time we were on that path." He mumbled the words under his breath.

"Attacked you?" I queried.

"Don't pretend you don't remember ki...!" He stopped suddenly and narrowed his eyes at me. "Never mind. Let's go." Kyou stepped quickly across the street, disappearing into the shallow woods. I stood a moment longer, wondering what he had left off the sentence. I couldn't remember what I had done when I had turned 'Black'. "Come on, Haru!" My feet began moving in response to Kyou's impatient shout.

I moved slowly through the brush, avoiding scraggly branches and briars as I worked my way towards Kyou's disappearing form. It was cooler in the forest, and the shadows were deeper, giving the illusion of early dusk. The entire area seemed somehow more alive, the smell of soft dirt and dry leaves rising from the forest floor was awakening, and the many trees buffered the wind even as it sang through the treetops. I pushed my way through another thick tangle, sidestepping a downed log, and stepped into a familiar clearing. To my left, I found a rather large tree trunk, spotted with old mushroom growth, where I had sat, not long ago, stroking Kyou's soft hair. To my right, Kyou stood, shifting impatiently as he waited on me. I wondered at his edginess.

"Hurry up." I shrugged apologetically in my cousin's direction and moved across the clearing toward him. "You go first." Kyou pointed toward the thickly cluttered opening in the brush. I wondered if the brambles, or I, were the reason his eyes seemed so accusing and suspicious.

"Yes, master." My sarcasm won me no points. Shrugging, I pushed my way through, ahead of Kyou, narrowly missing the thorny vines. Kyou followed behind me, slipping through easily, untouched by even the most benign tendril.

"Keep going." Kyou urged me ahead of him, as if he were afraid I would follow too closely. I glanced back after moving a few steps, to find him lagging behind me. I contemplated the distance he purposely kept between us.

Thunder echoed overhead, halting our progress. The day seemed as clear and even-tempered as had been, and the rumble seemed out of place. I glanced up at the sky, the pale grey still stretched overhead; there was no sign of the stormy eastern night bleeding further into the sky, but I worried that rain would spill regardless. As I filtered the thought, I could feel the chill of wetness spatter my skin. I turned to glance at Kyou, his face had darkened and his eyes seemed both annoyed and weak. Rain had always pushed him into a depression of sorts, his monster raging inside, hating the rain with all the ferocity of a cat. The light drizzle continued even while the sun shone, lighting the sky in the hours before evening. I turned at the cat's urging to hurry along the path, pushing through the brush at a careful, but quickened pace. If it weren't for the chill, and the Kyou's reaction, I would have enjoyed watching the rain fall through the streaming light. It was rare to see even a light fall while the sun shone, without the masking dark of cloud cover.

"Finally." Kyou's mumbled sigh of relief slipped out as we reached the end of the trail, at last emerging into the back yard.

Kyou pushed passed me, again taking the lead, as we crossed they yard to the house. I followed him inside, leaving my muddy boots on the steps beside his equally dirk-caked shoes. The rain stopped suddenly, and I heard Kyou sigh in relief. I marveled at the odd weather a moment before turning to follow my cousin into the house. Almost immediately upon entering the house, Kyou headed for the stairs, retreating to his room. I questioned if I should follow, even as I echoed his steps on the stairs. He slung his door open, sliding it out of the way almost violently, and slipped into his room; his socked feet padding quietly over the wood floor. I stood in the doorway, waiting to be invited in. Kyou seemed to have dismissed his earlier mood; no longer clouded with wariness and distrust, he had returned to the habitual short-tempered disposition one could normally associate with the cat. I was relieved by the change.

"Shut the door, would you?" Kyou sighed in irritation as he rummaged through his closet, tossing a pair of dark jeans over his shoulder. A moment later he backed away, a small black shirt clenched in his hand as he slung the closet door closed. I closed the door behind me as I stepped into the room.

"You are going to change." My statement was rather redundant. Kyou pulled his damp uniform jacket off, tossing it to the floor unceremoniously, and shook his head. His hair flung tiny beads of water in every direction before falling to limply veil his eyes once again.

"It _is_ my room." Kyou's eyes were focused on the buttons of his shirt. I watched his fingers nimbly freeing each pearly fastening until his shirt fell open halfway, revealing some of the taut skin beneath. I squinted at him, amused.

"You're going to let me watch?" I wondered if I was becoming a bit masochistic. The change in his attitude was something I felt almost physically.

"What? No, you fucking bastard!" Kyou's voice rose in offended ire, his eyes narrowing almost dangerously. "If you watch, it's not because I let you, it's because you're a fucking pervert!" I laughed softly at him, dizziness driving my laughter to an audible chuckle. My eyes unfocused as pain lanced through the side of my skull before it dissipated, and my mind cleared again. I cocked my head at him, ignoring his curious scowl.

"You are only fooling yourself." I took a step toward the angry cat.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I grinned at his wariness; he hid it skill-lessly beneath his anger and disgust. I snorted softly.

"Hmm. You _want_ me to watch..." I raised my brows at him and took another step toward him. "Isn't that right, kitten?" His eyes widened at the endearment. He knew I meant it as more of an expletive.

"Fuck you!" His hands fisted, and his body became rigid; Kyou was ready for a fight. I was ready for a different kind of fight.

"Later." I mocked him. "For now, why don't you finish what you started?" I raised an eyebrow at him, grinning crookedly.

"Fuck you!" I chuckled.

"My, what a limited vocabulary." I paused, smirking. "Or perhaps you've become a bit single-minded." He growled in disgust.

"You're sickening!" I nodded at him.

"So you've told me." I shrugged. "I think you like it." I scrunched my nose at him and took another step toward him, stopping little more than arms length from him. He had yet to move; it seemed he had relinquished control to me, reacting rather than acting. He fought to deny his enjoyment of the situation.

"Get out." His words came out low, harsh.

"Aww, be nice, kitten." I winked at him as I stepped to my right and pulled out the chair that had been pushed against Kyou's desk. I turned it to face Kyou and took a seat, crossing my ankle over my knee as I leaned back.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kyou's breath had become more shallow.

"I'm sitting down to watch the show." I gestured toward him. Kyou glanced down at his open shirt and blushed before tugging it closed.

"I'm not a fucking whore! I'm not stripping for you, asshole!" Kyou seemed nervous. Shame was a beautiful thing, indeed.

"Please?" I patronized him. He nearly stomped in angry defiance. I raised my eyebrows and stood, stepping closer to him. I wondered how close I could get before he swung, relishing the thought of contact with the cat. He refused to back down, even as my hands moved up to grip his hips. I tugged him forward until he crashed into me. In response, his hands reached up to grip my arms in an attempt to wrest some control and balance. I pressed my forehead to his, my eyes staring hard into his defiant crimson orbs. "Come on, do it for me, kitten." I pleaded.

"N... No." He fought to raise his voice above a whisper. "Let me go!" His voice strained for volume, for power. I puffed amusement, my breath kissing his skin as his lips parted to speak again. "S... stop it, Haru." I shook my head softly, rocking my forehead against his.

"Only if you do as I say." I whispered the words slowly, before I brushed the tip of my tongue against his bottom lip. Kyou sucked in his breath. He was offering me control, giving in. I smiled broadly, narrowing my eyes in appreciation. Kyou needs to be forced, controlled; he can't let go on his own. He is a true submissive, gaining his own control by giving in. I was happy to oblige.

Kyou's hands released my arms and fell to his sides. He stood still a moment before sighing quietly; I felt his hands snake up to slip between us. The cat's fingers worked at the buttons of his shirt, his knuckles pressing into my chest as he fought to unhook the cloth and plastic. I backed away slowly, allowing him room to work. His chin fell to his chest; I wasn't sure if he were staring at the floor, or watching his own fingers. I let my hands fall from his hips to my own sides and stepped back farther, my eyes never leaving his thin frame. Eventually, his fingers could find no more buttons, and the cloth fell to either side, baring his chest. I continued my backward steps until I felt the wooden chair at the back of my legs. Slowly, I sank into the chair, relaxing into the seat as Kyou continued to obey.

A deep blush crawled over Kyou's skin as he slid the shirt off his shoulders. I watched it slip down his arms to hang at his wrists. The cat's chest rose and fell in breaths that very nearly shuddered. My eyes began to burn as I watched, and I growled low in my throat in irritation. At the sound, Kyou seemed to catch his breath, immediately shaking the shirt free of his hands. It floated to the floor to pool about his feet. My head swam and I shook it vigorously, trying to clear it. Kyou took a deep breath, his hands reluctantly inching toward the button of his pants. My eyes unfocused and I leaned forward, rubbing at my eyes. When my eyes cleared, I glanced up, my vision stopping on Kyou.

I stared, confusedly, at the slender form of my crimson-eyed cousin. I had only been joking when I'd mentioned watching, but I couldn't tear my gaze from his actions, gather my senses enough to explain it to him. Instead, my eyes followed his long, slim fingers as they tugged the zipper of his pants down and began to push the cloth away. I stood slowly and moved toward him, intent on stopping the action. He failed to notice my approach, or if he did notice, he intentionally failed to respond, continuing to undress before me. I came to stand in front of him, reaching out to take his hands in mine; I guided them to drag the cloth back to his hips. I was so close I could feel his breath on my collar, warming the silver of the chain that hung against my chest. Kyou's hands slipped away to fall at his sides.

"Haru." His whisper was breathy and nervous. I frowned and refastened the front of his pants slowly. His arms lifted and I felt his hands come to rest just below my shoulders, his fingers holding tightly to my biceps.

"Kyou..." Before I could finish my sentence, Kyou's face turned up toward mine; his eyes were closed, lashes slightly damp. I held my breath as he pressed his lips to mine; sloppy and tentative, he forced himself against me. For a moment I didn't respond, my heart wrenching with both excitement and an enormous sense of guilt. I gave in to the kiss, and returned the gesture of affection gently. When we broke apart, Kyou's eyes were wide.

"Haru?" His brows furrowed. I smiled at him, my hands stroking his sides gently. Kyou gasped in sudden realization, and pushed me away as he stumbled backward. His face darkened in anger, even as his skin rouged itself in a blush. "When did you turn back?" He demanded, back arched and elbows bent to hover his fists before him. My smile slipped away quickly.

"The last thing I remember is you yelling at me..." I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. "And then you were taking off your shirt. I got up to stop you..." I glanced at him apologetically. I knew 'Black' Haru had urged his actions, but I wondered at his acquiescence.

"You were normal that... that whole time?" I almost wanted to deny it, to save him the embarrassment. His anger had given way to an almost panicked confusion. I nodded weakly. We stared at each other for a few moments before I spoke again.

"When I was... 'Black'." I was curious, yet at the same time, I didn't want to ask him. I knew he didn't want to talk about it. Kyou's eyes softened even as they narrowed at me. "Why did you...?" I nearly smiled.

"You forced me to do it!" He nearly shrieked the accusation. I frowned at him.

"Forced you?" I clenched my jaw in thought. Kyou remained silent. "Since when are you afraid of 'Black' Haru, let alone anyone?" I tilted my head to the side. I was wary of his anger, but I could not stop digging for a truthful answer.

"I'm not afraid of _'Black' Haru_!" Kyou spat the words at me, his icy tone battering my now confused sense of happiness.

"Then why...?" He interrupted me again.

"I fucking wanted to, you fucking idiot!" He shouted, but his anger died as the words fell from his lips. He'd let slip something he had not intended. I raised my eyebrows. Kyou had told me, only a few hours earlier, if he didn't want to do something, he wouldn't. Perhaps, this too, fell into that category. I smiled at him, lighting the fire of his outrage once again.

"Oh." I couldn't stop smiling.

"There is no _'oh'_, you smug bastard." Kyou pointed toward the door. "Get out!" I smiled even as I turned to leave.

I closed Kyou's door behind me and leaned against the wall beside it. My hand drifted up to scratch at my head, falling back to my side as I licked my lips. I relived the kiss a moment, before focusing my attention of the cursing and slamming in the room. I heard another string of curses, and the sound of rustling cloth reached my ears. Kyou continued to berate himself and curse me into eternity before I heard him stomp across the room. The raspy slide of the balcony door was followed by a straining grunt. A moment later, Kyou's footsteps echoed through the roof as the cat climbed his way to the highest spot on the house. I surmised that he needed time to ease his indignity and think. Shrugging, I pushed myself away from the wall and followed the stairs down to the hall.

I silently thanked 'Black' Haru for his evils as I took a seat at the kotatsu. Shigure, thankfully, wasn't home, but I almost wished that Tohru and Yuki were there to keep me company. Rethinking, even Shigure would be a welcome distraction from my desire to join Kyou on the roof. The sun was falling below the horizon, and the chill of late fall was flooding the house through the open door. It was almost too late in the season to allow the air to flow in so freely. I rose and wandered out onto the porch and took a seat on the edge near the steps. I lifted my boots and began to beat the drying mud from the soles. It fell away in clumps, some softer patches of brown sticking more soundly, marring the solid black surface. I sighed as I realized I would have to clean and polish them before I wore them again.

I slipped my partially clean boots on over my feet; my toes grew colder at the touch of the snug leather, the chill and the cool mud sapping any comfort from the footwear. I laced them carefully, fumbling with the many buckles and straps as I unhurriedly fastened them to my ankles. I tugged my pants down over them and stood, tapping the sides of my feet against the steps, dislodging more of the filth, before stepping into the damp grass. I refrained from glancing up at the roof. When I reached a relatively open area beneath a bare tree, I began stretching, loosening up my muscles in preparation for martial arts. As I moved through each action, mimicking what I had been taught, my mind cleared. The world faded away until I was lost in the movements, the air singing as I cut it with each kick or punch. My breath grew quick and shallow as I worked, the cold air refreshing my lungs even as I tired. Sweat beaded on my skin, but I continued, drifting aimlessly in the blankness of concentrated meditation. I could continue for hours, mindlessly bending my muscles to the will of martial skill.

"Hey!" A voice broke through my concentration, returning me to the world. I glanced around near blindly. It had grown dark, dusk slipping in to drown the color from the world, and I idly wondered how long I had been practicing. "You're still doing it wrong." I focused on the direction of the voice as I recognized it.

"What?" My voice cracked as I spoke and I smiled at myself. I wiped at my forehead, sweeping the sweat away. I realized then, that my skin was icy to the touch, even as I was sweating with exertion, hot beneath my clothes.

"Hold on." I heard a thump as Kyou dropped to the ground. His footsteps echoed on the wooden porch as he climbed the steps and retreated into the house. A moment later, Kyou flicked on a light and the glow flooded the inner room, silhouetting the cat in the doorway. I watched him as he stepped back outside into weaker light, squatting to slip on his shoes. Hopping down from the steps, Kyou crossed the yard and joined me beneath the large tree. "You have to do it like this." Kyou moved slowly, sweeping through the movement like an instructor.

"Ah." I imitated his movements, arcing my arm as I skimmed the air, dropping to slice back across horizontally as I turned. Kyou nodded, his face now visible in the pale light that slipped across the backyard from the door. He incorporated the movement into a much more complex set of actions, and urged me to imitate him. I copied him once again, and he nodded in approval.

"You a quick learner." His gruff tone did not hide the compliment. I smiled and began the precise movements I had done earlier, easily integrating the improvements into my style. Kyou practiced along side me, and we mirrored each other, synchronized in each action. Satisfied that I was doing the art properly, Kyou hummed his approval and walked away, taking a seat on the porch. I repeated the moves once more before joining him.

"Thank you." I smiled as I took a seat next to him, regretting the distance I allowed between us. Kyou grunted.

"You should call Hatori." Kyou cleared his throat. "Shigure isn't coming back tonight, and Tohru and Yuki said last night that they had plans for the evening. They are visiting that yankee." Kyou snorted and leaned back, his hands braced against the porch floor, arms locked straight behind him.

"Where is Shigure?" I wondered aloud.

"Who cares, as long as that pervert isn't here?" Kyou snorted, amused with his insult. I smiled as he glanced over at me, responding to his not-so-cruel humor. "Ah, I think he's visiting with Ayame." I nodded.

I stared out across the yard, watching the meager light catch the leaves and twigs as the wind tumbled them across the ground. It dawned on me that it had become a ritual to sit on the porch with Kyou, staring out at nothing. I glanced over at Kyou and caught him starring at me once again. I realized too, that he did that more often lately. His eyes darted away from me, unfocused; it seemed his vision was concentrated inward, rather than outside at the late evening. My eyes fixed on Kyou, searching deeper, trying to ease that separation, that line that was drawn between each and every person on earth. It seemed to have faded. All the similarities, all the comparisons I had made between us had never eased that divide as much as the simple revelation that Kyou felt something deeper than the mild care he'd revealed on his own. I realized that, perhaps, I would never figure out what separated us from the rest of the world, or even from each other, as no one could know what separated any one person from any other. Yet, I contented myself in the fact that, regardless, people could still move closer, even merge, defying all logic of space and time. It was a comforting feeling.

"So, you've forgiven me?" I asked quietly. Kyou swung his head in my direction. I wondered if he knew what I was asking, what it encompassed. From the first wrong I'd dealt him, to the most recent affront.

"No." The word was sharp.

"Ah." I shrugged and turned away. We lapsed into silence once again.

"But... I'll think about it." Kyou's mumble made me smile. I hoped his consideration encircled such a vast array of my own sins against him. Somehow, it seemed Kyou was speaking of more than just today.

"I think I should go call Hatori." I stood from the porch and retreated inside, searching for the phone. I dialed Hatori's number and spoke with him briefly, then returned to the porch, taking a seat next to Kyou, closer this time.

"When is he coming?" I shrugged.

"He's not." I looked over at Kyou. "I have to walk." Kyou tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling, the smooth column of his neck stretching in a beautiful line. I sighed and turned back to the darkened yard.

Autumn was dying before me, giving way to the cold and bleak season of winter. Despite the chill and fading color, I felt a little warmer. I glanced back at Kyou, his cheeks colored pink from the chill as his warmth fought to sustain him. He brought color with him, in a sense. And somehow, despite his efforts to contain it, his warmth bled out a little too. It was wrapping me in its thin fingers. I smiled and inched toward Kyou. He glanced over at me but didn't protest. Relaxing, I let my leg press against his, the warmth that was soaking through his clothes, and through mine, was a comfortable bridge that connected us. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees; my chin pillowed on my laced fingers. I sighed as I thought back to my room, wondering how many more leaves I would have to sweep away before I could sleep.

...

A/N: Another chapter pushed out. I'm trying to break back in to the flow of this story, still searching for the voice. However, this chapter is still severely lacking. It moves too fast in some parts, lacking detail or quality, and other times, it drags a bit, overcrowded with meaningless words. I'll probably edit it later, (since I haven't even proofread the damn thing yet), and re-upload the chapter. This was going to replace chapter 5, but I've decided that I'm too lazy, so, I'll just leave 'crap chap.' up and add this one in. Maybe something interesting will happen soon. (Laughs) Hmm, a shorter a/n! - **Edited** the chapter now!

2: Thanks for the reviews. You people are nice to me even when I obviously had a severe spell of the 'sucks'. Hehe! I love how I was secret reviewed in e-mail because no one wanted to praise my garbage in public. Aww, it was purely to support me and get me back on track! And thanks for the journal comments too. Much love.


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